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Befriend Your Anxiety…It’s Trying to Tell You Something

Whenever you’re about to embark on a new journey, or are facing a challenge (illness, loss of job, ending of marriage, etc) you encounter something called liminal space – this is the period of time when you’re standing on the edge of the unknown, often in a state of fear or anxiety. This is the opposite of your comfort zone, and yet it’s often where some of the yumminess of life takes place. 

Think about it – before your first kiss, on your wedding day, being in labor with your baby – all of these times were usually scary as hell and yet the most memorable, formative, and rewarding. In all of these times you experienced a period of liminal space. You had a choice about how to react. You could tolerate it, suppress it, or lean into it. We all know what it feels like to choose all of these paths, so maybe we ought to pay attention to when we’re in a liminal space, so as to be mindful about it, rather than unconscious. This can help us avoid prolonged liminality, aka, more suffering! 

Ecological theologian Sallie McFague describes the liminal space as “a space where one is available for deep change from the conventional model of living to another one.”

While this liminal space is uncomfortable, ambiguous, and uncertain, it is also freeing. It is necessary for change and growth.

Anytime you feel anxious or afraid, it’s information. What often makes it worse is the meaning we attach to the fear, and therefore the belief we take on about it, which then creates more fear. So when you notice yourself feeling afraid, greet it, befriend it – ask it what it needs. If you drink a bunch of wine or turn on the TV, you’ve only suppressed it, making the discomfort last longer than necessary. 

I know that there have been times when I didn’t want to hear what my fear needed – I was afraid of what it had to tell me. The most difficult experience of this was in my previous marriage when my intuition (the way your higher-self talks to you) was begging me to get out of the relationship but my subconscious (child-self) was too afraid of what was on the other side – too afraid of the liminal space. So I stayed way longer than I should have, and as a result suffered from severe depression, anxiety, and IBS, until it got so bad that I was willing to do anything to feel different. I mustered up the little courage and life I had left and ended the marriage, diving into the unknown. 

I have grown since my divorce, more than I can articulate in words. It’s in the way I feel and walk in the world now – with more confidence, power, and trust in myself and this crazy thing we call life. My intuition was guiding me to a more fulfilling path, a healthier partner, and a more joyful human experience, I just had to surrender to my truth and take action. 

Everything in your life doesn’t happen to you, it happens for you.

If you’re stuck, get help. There are coaches, therapists, doctors, naturopaths, support groups, meetups, books, Ted Talks, and so many other ways to get support. Listen to your gut and it will guide you to the tools that will help you become more of who you know you’re meant to be. Your higher-self is BEGGING you to open yourself to becoming the greatest expression of love that you can be while you’re on this earth so that you can leave it better than when you found it. If not for that, why else are we here?

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Lean into Discomfort

Lean into suffering. I know this sounds counterintuitive but hear me out. We will live an average of 78.69 years on earth and most of us will spend those years in a futile attempt to numb and distract from pain and suffering. We’ll go on stimulating vacations, pay for doctors and prescriptions, drink/smoke/vape/Juul/whatever new addictive trend is in, eat food and consume media that triggers as many dopamine/pleasure responses as possible—and all the while our deepest fears and pains still reside in our bodies and subconscious minds, ready to knock you off your center at any moment. 

Avoidance is a recipe for bigger pain and louder suffering. 

In the span of a few years I went from having mild anxiety to having chronic nausea, gut issues and depression, regular anxiety attacks and insomnia, and was quickly losing my will to live. It wasn’t until I faced my fear and suffering head on that I was able to get to the root of the unhealthy pattens and beliefs that were controlling my life. 

Looking at my fear face to face was what eventually gave me emotional (and physical) freedom.

This is why I meditate. It isn’t easy. In fact it really sucks sometimes to sit for 30 minutes observing the noise in my head when all I want to do is sleep in a bit longer. But what this practice allows me to do is to understand the insanity of my human mind so that the ridiculous voices of my ego don’t control me anymore. The judgmental, self-doubty, scared little kid that lives inside all of us and does everything to feel powerful and in control. The one that really drives the car. 

She felt disempowered many times as a little one. She didn’t have much of a choice about how to perceive the world as a kid. But that little one will not drive my adult life anymore. I have a choice in that. 

That is why I continue to do my own hypnotherapy sessions with my therapist so that I can regress to impactful memories that solidified these unhealthy beliefs into my psyche- The traumatic but also sometimes first world situations that programmed my subconscious wiring. 

Mom forgot to pick me up from school when I was 5 so sitting on the steps of primary school that little one decided that she wasn’t important. She decided to act small – now that a new neural pathway was formed with that belief she will continue to look for situations that confirm her lack of importance. Rather than see 5 of her close friends invite her to their birthday parties, she focuses on the fact that her best friend didn’t invite her to her party. See? I know I’m not important. 

What happens in hypnotherapy is that I can scoop that little one up and remind her that she is important and loved. I can create a new belief with an adult mind that empowers me and helps to bring awareness to the numbing behaviors I partake in to avoid these negative self-perceptions. I have the power to create new, more productive neural pathways in my subconscious. I can literally rewire my mind. 

That is real power. And it doesn’t come from avoiding fear and suffering. It comes from walking up to it and placing a graceful hand to its face and saying, “I see you. I hear you. I love you.” 

Hypnotherapy is a tool that can guide you to those places in your subconscious mind  that have control over your life. It provides a flashlight into your very programming. What do you think, is your mind ready for a software update? 

If so, come see me for some hypnotherapy in Kirkland. A couple of 75 minute sessions just might offer you more insight than you’ll get from years of talk therapy.

Schedule Hypnotherapy Appointment

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Honoring Your Inner Knowing

Underneath this smile used to be more fear than I could name. The weight of it was like a prison from which I couldn’t escape.

I made every effort to numb and suppress it with inflammatory “comfort” food and drink, social media and my phone, Netflix/Hulu/HBO NOW/Starz (I’m no amateur streamer), and pot. I was in a constant state of survival, grasping for anything that would make the fear go away, even if only temporarily.

Waking up each day was a battle. I would wake with panic and nausea, and then the wave of judgement and shame would immobilize me even more. How could I feel this way when I had so much to be grateful for? I had a family and husband who loved me, a job I was passionate about, a beautiful home – how could I be so entitled?

Eventually this bombardment of emotion was too much for my body to take. It got to the point where I didn’t want to wake up anymore. I would pray that I wouldn’t – if it would just free me from the constant pain and anxiety that controlled my body, mind and spirit.

Once I reached rock bottom I realized that I had nothing to lose. I was at a choice point: life or fear. So I summoned what little strength I had left to connect to Universal Consciousness/God/Spirit/Divine/whatever you want to call it- I was ready to do anything that would free me from the constant struggle. Even though I hated it in the past, I felt guided to start meditating and spend more time in nature.

Once I opened up the space for my Higher Self to guide me I couldn’t ignore the messages about what needed to happen for me to come back to life. And ultimately it meant ending a marriage with my best friend. I was ignoring this truth for too long because it was too painful to face, so my body got louder- the nausea and anxiety got worse.

I don’t regret that relationship, nor do I harbor any ill feelings towards my ex. Neither of us did anything wrong, but our paths had to go different ways for our highest good. And that was a terrifying truth to face, but one that ultimately changed my life for the better.

Hiking the Isle of Skye, Scotland this past summer. One of the many magical experiences I had after releasing pent up fear.

This experience taught me how to listen to my body; a skill that many of us lack, especially in such a distracting society. I now know how to discern what is in my best interest and what is not, whether that be relationships, food, experiences, or thoughts. As I continue to practice this skill I realize how lost most of us really are because we don’t know how to listen to our inner knowing. Each of us has a higher self (that gut instinct you get? Yeah, that’s her) that is doing everything in her power to lead you toward your highest good and life purpose. The more we ignore her, the louder she gets. Trust me, don’t try to shut her up because she can out-scream you any day of the week.

Are you suppressing emotions because they’re uncomfortable to deal with? If you aren’t then you likely don’t have a pulse…

90% of our mind is subconscious. So every time you have a stressful situation or emotion and choose to numb out with The Bachelor (Game of Thrones is my poison of choice) or that Pumpkin Spice Latte and chocolate muffin- all you’re really doing is shoving it down into your subconscious. That shame or fear is having a party with all the other misfit emotions you weren’t equipped to deal with and have suppressed, and eventually that casual party is going to turn into a rager and the cops are going to come and your neighbors are going to freak out and… you get the point. Shit is going to hit the fan eventually. Your suppressed emotions are a ticking time bomb, patiently waiting to turn into chronic anxiety or acne or cancer or autoimmunity or *fill in the blank with any disease or symptom you’re not getting to the root of*, if they haven’t already.

Playing in a river near Glen Coe, Scotland last July – chronic anxiety free!

But here’s what’s exciting! There are tools to heal these traumas and suppressed emotions. You don’t have to keep living like this. Hypnotherapy was one of the most powerful tools for releasing years and years of suppressed emotions that were causing IBS, acne, depression, anxiety and ADD. I also had to detox and change my diet to fully heal, but getting to the emotional root was the biggest piece of the puzzle.

When I see pictures of myself now I can’t believe how light and bright I feel compared to a year ago. And love, you can have that, too. You just need to invest in yourself and your healing. Every moment of every day you have a choice. Life or fear?

In vibrant health,

Kendyl

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To Have a Gratitude Attitude

“Remember to have a gratitude attitude!” –my mom

It’s the season of giving thanks (but like, shouldn’t that be every season?), and I’m finding myself feeling rather out of balance, grasping for tools that bring me back to myself. This has been a difficult month for me. Well, to be honest, it’s been a pretty difficult year. This month has been challenging with the 7th move in 11 months for me. This is because I ended my marriage in January, which was devastating to not only my world, but all those that were effected by my decision to leave. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever been through and by far the most difficult choice I’ve ever had to make. I hesitate to share much out of respect for my former partner and his family, but I feel that this personal learning experience I went through might offer healing to some who hear it.

We need to hear one another’s stories. We need to see each other as mirrors, put before one another to reflect (sometimes painful) truths about ourselves, but nonetheless there to teach us. I’ve been studying clinical hypnotherapy for several years now and have been witness to so many stories that have touched me on a deep level that no matter how vulnerable I might feel, I’m committing to speaking my truth in the hopes that it helps someone else do the same.

This very idea was at the root of why I decided to end things with my husband last winter. I had been struggling with physical symptoms like nausea, chronic fatigue and IBS as well as depression and anxiety for years by this point, but through the deep work that I was luckily guided to (via my mother), I was able to uncover what was at the root of my chronic symptoms. I had established a daily mediation practice several months prior to this, committing to even 5 minutes a day, as long as I was consistent, which I surprisingly was. My mom had been meditating daily for years, encouraging me and my 3 siblings to follow suit when we would ask her why we felt anxious or depressed. My step-dad was a meditation teacher for crying out loud! But I wasn’t ready until I was, and that’s okay.

What hypnotherapy and meditation ultimately did for me was offer clarity. I was able to see not only what was creating the physical symptoms, but also why I had let it go on so long. Heart-centered hypnotherapy is like a flashlight that shines past the conscious mind and into the subconscious mind to where the beliefs we created about ourselves and the world during childhood actually live. Talk therapy operates in the conscious mind, so unfortunately I didn’t make much personal progress as a client until I discovered this deeper kind of work. This is because these deeply rooted subconscious beliefs are what drive our actions and emotions as adults. They’re a result of us observing the world and people around us as kids, deciding how we were going to survive, what felt safe, and ultimately how our egos were going to run the show. But the great thing is we can rewire those beliefs, it just requires exploring the subconscious mind (which makes up 90% of your psyche!), not the just the conscious mind (a mere 10%).

Once I could tap into why I was blinded by my fear of abandonment (through hypnotherapy) and begin to heal the root belief that I wasn’t important or lovable, I was able to release some of the anxiety that was keeping me “safe” in my comfort zone (my marriage), rather than take a leap of faith and do what my soul was guiding me to do, which was leave. My body was manifesting physical symptoms to get my attention, I’m just super skilled at ignoring things that make me uncomfortable, so me and Netflix lived in a fog together for quite a while. I felt like a shell of a person most of the time, with terrible nausea and digestion- it felt like there was this huge weight inside of me. I had no motivation and terrible insomnia, and honestly wished I wouldn’t wake up a lot of the time when I could finally sleep. It was a pretty dark time, and forced me to become super desperate to do anything that might help.

After committing to a regular meditation practice I couldn’t help but be more attuned to why my body was sick. And guess what? Once I made the terrifying decision to leave my best friend and husband because I knew it was best for my overall growth, I felt like a different person. Almost a year later and I still feel clear, happy, and light.

So…why? I’ve gone through each end of the emotional spectrum about 50 thousand times this year and have sat with this question quite a bit. I mean, c’mon, Spirit! Couldn’t it be a little easier? Why do hearts have to break and why do families get torn apart? Why did my body force me to uproot our world and life and cause so much pain?

What I’ve come to learn through the pain and the mess and the tears of this year is that life is just one big arena. We’re here to learn and expand and transcend the trauma and pain that we’ve experienced; not to become a victim of it, but rather a student. When my body started getting sick, I could have continued to let it dictate my life for even more years than I did. I could have given up after years of trying allopathic medicine didn’t help me and continue to sink into a deeper depression and chronic fog. But thank goodness I had the support and community to encourage me to keep asking why and keep digging deeper to heal the real root of my symptoms, because now I have skills that I otherwise wouldn’t have had if my body hadn’t become ill. I know there’s more growth to go, but I’ve become highly attuned to my body as a result of my experiences this year. I also learned more than I can possibly express in my marriage and am a much better and more self-aware person as a result of it. Both of us walked away with gratitude and love for one another and agreed that even though it ended in divorce, it was still a successful relationship because of how much we both expanded and grew.

I began this entry saying this was a very difficult year for me. But I’ll finish by saying it’s also been the best year of my life. I’ve moved homes 7 times in 11 months, completing my 7th a couple of days ago. Each time was extremely difficult, but always reminded me of the unconditional support and deep community I have surrounding me. I rehomed my beloved dog to my uncle in California because I know he’ll have a happier and more fulfilling life there. The grief still feels like a knife in my gut sometimes, but Leo has a playmate and loving home and for that I feel immense gratitude. I lost a husband, 2 step-children and our home this year and faced depths of pain I could have never imagined. But I’ve also learned that I can and must trust myself, because out of the pain I’ve emerged brighter, more vibrant, and closer to my true essence than ever before.

So if you’re feeling lost, scared, depressed, or hurt, I’ll ask that you give something a try. When you’re stuck in one of those automatic mental tapes- you know the ones: “No one will ever be with me because I’m too fat,” “I’m not smart enough to go to grad school,” “My husband is selfish and doesn’t pay attention to me,” etc and on and on and on, press pause on the tape and take a breath. Look around you and decide to be grateful. I know that sounds ridiculous but seriously, if you redirect your thoughts, your emotions will often follow. It can be anything; the color of the fall leaves (that’s been a big one for me in my moving fog), the fact that you have an iPhone and can FaceTime your mom from 10,000 miles away, RUNNING WATER…the list goes on. Gratitude has been one of the most powerful tools for me during this year’s challenges and I love sharing it with people. Our thoughts become habits, and just like any bad habit, you can change them to good ones with practice. We can’t escape pain in this life, but we can choose if we allow it to become suffering. Life is too short to keep suffering, don’t you think?

In vibrant health,

Kendyl

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Change Your Mindset, Change Your Life

A wise man once said nothing. -Proverb

I’m 13 days into my mum’s (@drkeesha) 40-day Abundance Practice and am experiencing the results already. The practice consists of doing a specific meditation for ten consecutive days and then repeating that 4 times until you reach 40 days, otherwise you start back on day 1. It’s a great way to stay consistent with your daily spiritual practice. Trust me, I have those mornings where I want to sleep in, thinking, “I’m sooo grounded right now, I don’t need to meditate today.” And then 5 hours later I wonder why normal things are overwhelming me more than usual. Some of us are slow learners…. cough, cough.

I’ve done the full 40 day abundance practice 6 times, and each time I do, I always feel more motivated and inspired than if I’m missing a day of meditation here and there. It’s amazing how powerful not speaking- just sitting in silence and focusing on your breath can be in making magic happen in your life.

In the abundance practice, you basically focus your awareness on abundance and divine energy and how it’s all around you (this could be physical abundance in your health, mental/emotional abundance, monetary abundance, career abundance, you name it) and change your mindset to really believe and feel this truth. Simple, right? Not really. That’s why having a guide to help rewire the automatic self-sabotaging thoughts is extremely effective, and that’s what the abundance practice does. All you do is read a short meditation -I like to write it in my journal as well- and then meditate for 5-30 minutes with this in the back of your mind and receive whatever guidance comes. It’s like tapping into the flow of the universe and attracting whatever energy you desire toward you. What you focus on you create more of. Trust me. This shit works.

These pictures are some of the abundance I’ve experienced recently. I manifested 2.5 months in Scotland and made it happen using the abundance practice. Better yet? I got to spend 2 of those weeks traveling around to the many sacred sites and stone circles in Scotland with my mom and bonus dad.

This is the Ring of Brogdar on Isle of Orkney, one of the amazing isles north of mainland Scotland. It’s an ancient structure, dating back to 3000BC that originally consisted of 60 standing stones (36 remain) and is believed to be a gathering site that forms a ring of stones around one of the many powerful energetic locations on the planet. Tapping into the energetic flow of universal intelligence/consciousness/god- whatever you want to call it- was easy there. It was like plugging in- I could literally feel a visceral change in energy when I walked inside the circle- a recharge of the soul- full of love, gratitude, nourishment, joy- it felt like all of the yumminess of the world converging in one place and it was all pouring into my being.

Mesa ceremony with mum in the center of the Ring was one of the most powerful mother/daughter bonding experiences I’ve ever had. Someone before us had left tobacco during their own ceremony. We didn’t move it, just added our own contributions. So lucky to call this mum mine.

And what this experience made me remember is that this yumminess is all around us, not just at sacred sites like Brogdar. Every time I sit down and meditate, or take a walk in nature, sink my feet in the sand, laugh with friends, eat delicious food, hear a beautiful song, see a devoted elderly couple holding hands- all of this is that catalytic energy that we can tap into to manifest whatever we desire in this life. But we forget because we’re too distracted and numbed out by our stress, electronics, media, dead/nutrient-lacking food, chemicals, and the rest of the 21st century that we lose focus of the beauty surrounding us. And then we feel sick, depressed, alone, anxious, and/or inflamed.

But the medicine for these imbalances is right there for your taking. All you have to do is focus your awareness on it. The laughter of a toddler, the vibrant colors of the forest, the way it feels to be held by someone you love, the stillness from sitting in meditation- that vibration, that feeling- you can harness it. Bring it close. You can soothe the worry of daily life with this medicine. Recharge your entire being with it.

And when you do, you’ll be amazed at how powerful you are. And you won’t be able to look back. You’ll see and experience abundance all around you. The goals that you’ve set your mind to- that promotion, the new clients, the vitality you used to have, the man of your dreams- all of those will start becoming your reality. It’s unreal how quickly it starts to unfold. It’s like we all have this superpower that we’re ignoring. Imagine what a wonderful world we would live in if each one of us took a few moments each day to tap into the life force of the universe.

Each one of us makes up a light in the constellation of the universe- like a grid of stars. When you tap into the energy of universal consciousness you’ll realize that if you don’t shine your light fully, you’re robbing the rest of us from experiencing it, and that my friend, is a damned shame. Don’t keep your light dim anymore. Ask for help. Sit in silence and receive the medicine from the world around you. You are the microcosm of the macrocosm of the universe. Let’s shift the tide of this planet for the better. We have to do it together.

In vibrant health,

Kendyl

If you’re interested in trying the 40 Day Abundance Practice you can get it here. Let me know what unfolds for you in the comments below!

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Forgiveness: Medicine for the Soul

I’ll never forget the first time I heard of the ancient Hawaiian prayer, Ho’oponopono. They call it a ‘rinse’ because of the medicinal washing effect it has for the soul. Ho’oponopono means, “I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you.” I couldn’t stop reading it when I first saw it, and found that I was doing exactly what it was intended for- rinsing and repeating. At the time when I first came upon this practice I was the lowest of lows in my physical and mental health. I had severe IBS, chronic nausea and fatigue from SIBO (small intestine bacterial overgrowth), cystic acne, was 30 pounds overweight, and had depression and anxiety as a result of all of this. Reading the words, “I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you,” really hit me. It made me realize how hard I had been on my body for ‘failing’ me. Why couldn’t I digest my food properly like everyone else seemed to? I didn’t eat gluten, sugar, caffeine, or dairy for months and months, took loads of supplements, did dozens of colonics, and only noticed mild relief from the chronic symptoms that were tearing me down each day. “Why is this happening to ME?,” I kept thinking. I was completely stuck in a victim mentality, until I read ho’oponopono. I immediately put my hands on my belly and heart and was brought to tears at the effect I felt from repeating this only a few times to my body. It was as if the force that had been weighing me down and keeping me in a dark fog was beginning to lift.

The medicine I gained from the brief exposure to this forgiveness practice changed my life. I began doing this each time I would have a victim thought about how I was feeling or what was happening to me, and attune my awareness instead to all of the things my body was doing for me and how lucky I was in my life. This body has taken me up mountains to see amazing sights, my eyes have allowed me to witness all of the beauty and magic around me, my tongue has allowed me to taste the sweetness of the earth, my voice has allowed me to communicate and sing, I have an amazing family and freedoms many people will never feel. The list goes on. A quick shift in perspective can change everything. The momentum gained from this practice encouraged me to begin daily mediation. Once my emotional and spiritual body felt stronger I noticed my physical body follow suit pretty quickly. But not entirely.

I married an amazing man with 2 young boys (one of them is autistic) when I was 22. I knew this was a lot to take on at my young age but I felt like I could handle it because I loved him and his kids so deeply. I was so accustomed to feeling anxious and a lack of physical/mental vitality since adolescence that I didn’t think the marriage had anything to do with it, until I started my daily meditation and forgiveness work. I noticed drastic changes in my health from these practices, but I knew I still had a long way to go because of the anxiety and chronic bloating I still had. I’d done therapy, hypnotherapy, immersion retreats and other healing practices to get underneath the roots of my emotional and physical imbalances, and made lots of progress with certain symptoms, yet I still had chronic anxiety and gut issues.

I had been studying chronic disease in children because we were starting to prepare for pregnancy and I wanted us in peak physical health before conceiving, so as to avoid passing down our inflammation to our child. So I had to keep digging. Underneath every symptom is a true root cause that is often overlooked or hidden with medication. And unfortunately, the root cause of these imbalances ended up being the marriage and stresses that came with it. Being a step-mother is a tough job for anyone, but at my age is was eventually too much for my body to take on. Obviously I had thought about this before marrying him, but when you love someone that deeply, you’ll do anything to be together. I had worked with clients in their 40s, 50s, and 60s who had autoimmunity and other chronic illness, and nearly each one of them I spoke to had an unhealthy or unfulfilling marriage. I could see the path I was headed down if I didn’t address my symptoms. Do I get pregnant, raise a kid together for a while, and let the anxiety turn into something more severe, only to end the marriage later? Or make the hardest decision of my life and end it before going in deeper? Luckily, and very sadly I chose the latter, and the effect on my health that this had has been profound. I’ve never had so much energy, my anxiety is mild when it comes up, my gut is happy, and my heart feels completely open and light. This took a while to get to because I had a lot of grieving to do, but I’m so glad that I had the courage to take the leap of faith for the sake of my health, and for the sake of my ex and his boys. If I had stayed in the marriage with the knowledge that the relationship and responsibility of being a step-mother was affecting my health it would have built up resentment and I would be living out of integrity. It would have hurt everyone far more in the long run. Being in integrity with yourself and those you love is the only healthy choice, even if the process is painful for you and those around you.

Fast forward 8 months- I’ve been in Scotland for almost a month, pursuing my dreams of entrepreneurship and volunteering on sustainable organic farms to learn as much as I can. I spent a couple of weeks of this time with my mom and step-father, touring around the highlands and isles, visiting ancient sacred stone circles, burial grounds, and Pictish stones. It has been a completely healing and heart-opening experience that I feel incredibly grateful for.

This photo was taken at the Fairy Glen in Rosemarkie on the Black Isle. Scotland is a magical and mystical land. The magic is evident in the rock faces and sacred pools. It’s almost as if I was in a trance when I came upon this pool. I was drawn to the face in the rocks on the right of the waterfall and stepped into the pools to get closer.

Before I left home in June I received a ton of emotionally abusive hate mail out of the blue from a mother of a former peer. There was no reason for it and it really shocked me. It completely threw me off my center and I felt like a scared little kid, about to embark on a solo trip to the UK with an overwhelming amount of fear and uncertainty. But eventually I saw this woman as a wonderful teacher for me. Anytime someone triggers you they are providing a mirror for some behavior in yourself that you don’t like. Now, obviously I don’t harass people online, but I have acted out because of my emotions and was able to use this experience for some spiritual growth in recognizing this part of myself. It was actually perfect timing because it created a challenge that the universe knew I could handle on my own, without my family and friends around me- independence has been my growth edge and the reason why I decided to do this trip alone. Once I received the medicine and teaching from this experience I had to start the forgiveness process, which I’ll admit was very difficult at first because the hate mail kept coming in for days, not only to me but my mother and ex-husband as well. But the pools at the Fairy Glen provided a sacred setting for me to do some really deep forgiving. Because staying angry or bitter about this wouldn’t change anything, it would only be poison for my soul, and eventually my body. So in the pools I brought every person who I had bitterness or resentment towards into my mind’s eye and repeated Ho’oponopono until I felt a lightness in my heart and could send them on their way. I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you. Once I had done the forgiving of others, I turned it around and sent it to myself. Being a child of divorce, I knew how much pain I had caused my step-sons and ex-husband. I held so much shame in my heart and body about what I had done and couldn’t seem to let it go, even though I knew it was the right decision to leave. But as I stood in this pool, with the guardian of the glen looking down on me, repeating ho’oponopono and physically rinsing my body with the sacred waters, I started to feel a completion of this grieving process. A true release of all of the pain and shame I was holding inside towards myself. I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you.

Forgiveness is medicine for the soul. When the soul receives medicine, the mental and physical body also receive that medicine. What may be manifesting as a physical or emotional symptom like arthritis, IBS, acne,  autoimmunity, anxiety, depression or insomnia has a much deeper root. Give yourself the freedom of forgiveness. It isn’t always easy, but just repeating those words: “I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you” will literally create a new neural pathway in your brain so that eventually you’ll believe it. Replace a resentful or angry thought with ho’oponopono and your body and sprit will feel lighter.

Remember, darkness and light can’t occupy the same space, nor can anger and love. I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you. Rinse and repeat. Rinse and repeat. This life is yours to make what you will with it. You can’t control what’s happened to you, only how you choose to respond to and assimilate it. Forgiveness may just be the medicine you need.

In vibrant health,

Kendyl 

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Gratitude for lunch

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” -Albert Einstein

I’ve pondered the concept of gratitude for a few years now. It first started when I realized the truth in what Einstein said. I can either choose to be apathetic or annoyed with life, or I can start to focus on the things that are miracles (big or small). And once I started paying attention to these things it seems like they multiplied. I realized that there’s always something to be grateful for. The sun that gives us warmth and light, having a roof over your head, family, music, chocolate (duh), education, etc. And even in the moments when it feels impossible to be grateful for anything, especially ones like when this hot tea that just spilled all over my clothes!… the magic is still there. The magic is in the person next to me rushing to help me clean up and asking if I’m okay. It’s in the barista who runs to get a mop and gets me a new, fresh tea. It’s community. Right? Even in those dark moments, I promise you, if you can attune and focus your energy to the joy and brilliance of everyday moments, you will feel so much happier for it.

I was reminded of gratitude today when I grabbed lunch at Chaco Canyon in Seattle. It’s a fabulous organic and vegan cafe with super healthy and tasty food. I ordered the Gratitude Bowl which is priced on a sliding scale of $3-11 based on what you feel you can afford. I was reminded of how grateful I am for my life and the path I’ve chosen. And it wouldn’t be a reality if not for mentors and coaches who inspired me to live the life I dreamt of. I leave in 20 days for a 2 month solo trip to Europe. I’ll be working remotely because I decided that traveling the world was what I wanted. There were so many obstacles along the way and people/society leading me to believe that a life like this was a fantasy. But with the help of amazing books and mentors, I know that I can design the life I want. And so can you. I learned to relentlessly focus my energy on the goal (traveling Europe for 2 months while still working as a health coach- aka the dream job) and to surround myself with good vibrations so that I would have MORE energy to focus on my goal. This was huge. Start to notice how the people, media, food, and energies your surround yourself with affect your overall motivation and energy. You know those people who just bring you down? Or how when you watch the news/other violent/depressing/dark media (it’s all the same, isn’t it?) you feel tired or deflated? Or how you feel like you’re in a coma after you kill half a batch of gluten free peanut butter chocolate chip cookies while watching Friends during certain times of the month? (Me neither…)

We are energetic beings, and so the energies and vibrations we surround ourselves with will indeed affect our mood and vitality. Gratitude is one of the best ways to start raising your vibration if you feel depleted. If you’re in an emotional rut or stressful situation, take a moment to take a deep breath (deep, full breaths are how we move energy through our body- you should try it sometime!) and think about what you’re grateful for. Even if just for a few moments or a few minutes, if you do this, I promise you you’ll notice a positive difference in how you feel. If you want to be even more proactive about it, beginning and ending each day with an expression of gratitude will be like medicine to your soul.

You can have the life you’re dreaming of. The energy, the job, the partner, the living situation, health, and purpose are all there waiting for you to reach out and claim them. What you focus on becomes bigger: this is the foundation of manifestation. So focus on the goal with unrelenting attention and energy, and I promise you, it’s yours. Remember what Einstein said?

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”

Which way will you choose to live?

In deep gratitude,

Kendyl