Many of us think because we had loving parents that we didn’t have trauma. This is simply untrue. Until we do something to heal that trauma, the belief systems that were created as a result (I’m not good enough, I’m a burden, etc) will continue to be the lens from which you view the world. Hypnotherapy allows you to return to the moments when these maladaptive belief systems were created so that you can change them with your now-adult mind.
Reach out if you’d like to schedule some virtual hypnotherapy. This is one of the most powerful tools for getting underneath our maladaptive belief systems and allowing suppressed emotions to release. Please don’t let money be a barrier for this. I have sliding scale options and will work out any kind of payment plan you need if you feel ready to do your personal work.
Can you imagine what the world would be like if we all did our work?
When I first started on my healing path, it took me a long time to learn how to be in my body. I didn’t even realize I had been OUT of my body until I really dove into hypnotherapy, and eventually my clinical hypnotherapist training as a result of my crippling anxiety, depression, and digestive issues. Trauma often forces us out of our bodies and can make it uncomfortable to return. At first, it may have been a protective mechanism in response to trauma. But later, that mind-body disconnection can often turn into anxiety, depression, autoimmunity, and other chronic conditions.
Breathwork was one of the tools that REALLY helped me be in my body fully, which is where emotions live, which is why I (and so many) avoided being there for so long. But if we don’t release these pressure-cooked emotions, they end up being destructive, not just to you, but to those around you who are victims of those emotions coming out sideways.
What is breathwork?
Breathwork is a pattern of breathing that elicits non ordinary states of consciousness (also called holotropic breath work). Naturally occurring DMT (dimethyltriptamine) is created in our lungs and we release it when we breathe this pattern. The purpose of Breathwork is healing, integrating, and purifying. We learn who we are, and who we are not. We have a corrective experience of our breath, imprinting from a place of awareness, enlisting inner and outer resources. We do it to free ourselves from the conditioning, patterning and imprinting that we were given before we had any choice.
Group sessions are about 2 hours. We’ll join on Zoom and begin with instruction on how to do the breathing pattern. I’ll then start a playlist of songs meant to help move your breath. You’ll breath for about 75 minutes (everyone’s microphones will be muted so you will only hear the music, but if you have questions I’ll be monitoring and can communicate through the chat feature on Zoom) in a comfortable space you’ve created in your home (laying on a mat or flat surface is ideal). During this time many people experience different things – please read this FAQ about Breathwork. Once the 75 minutes have passed and the music stops, we’ll join back together for an optional group sharing. Many people have transformational experiences and it’s beautiful to process as a group.
If you would like to join me and other truth-seekers in one of these online Breathwork sessions, schedule below. From the comfort of your home, you can drop into a deeper state of awareness, release what no longer serves you, and connect with a group of like-minded people who are doing their personal work. And? It’s only $30.
“You are not supposed to be happy all the time. Life hurts and it’s hard. Not because you’re doing it wrong, but because it hurts for everybody. Don’t avoid the pain. You need it. It’s meant for you. Be still with it, let it come, let it go, let it leave you with the fuel you’ll burn to get your work done on this earth.” -Glennon Doyle
It’s so easy to avoid pain. Turn on the TV, scroll through social media, drink, smoke, eat, over-exercise… we all have our techniques for burying the discomfort, but unfortunately this only works for so long. The symptoms get louder. For me, I went from doctor to doctor trying to balance my anxiety, depression, and IBS, but all they offered were prescriptions, which only covered up the symptoms. They never asked me about my stress…
At the time I was in a toxic marriage with someone 18 years older than me, was trying my best to be a good step-mom to 2 young boys (one on the autism spectrum), and trying to go to college and work at the same time. The symptoms kept getting louder, until I didn’t even want to wake up anymore. I loved them all so much, so why did it hurt so badly?
Everyone I loved on the outside could diagnose the root cause of my issues as being the relationship (and stress that came with it), but I was too wrapped up in my codependency and idea of “loving someone so deeply” that I thought the pain was just a trade-off. That, sprinkled with some emotional manipulation, left me feeling trapped.
But when I finally got underneath the pain through hypnotherapy, I saw that my attachment issues stemmed from my daddy issues (dad moved away after parents split at 11), so until I healed the little girl who felt worthless because dad left, I couldn’t possibly see that my current partner was not in my highest good. I had to learn how to fill myself up, rather than seek external forces for my sense of worth. And once I did, the truth was so glaring that it didn’t take long for me to leave the marriage.
So lovie, what pain are you avoiding? I can tell you from experience that burying it only works for so long, and ends up creating more pain in the long run. If you’re ready to really work on it, a virtual hypnotherapy session is a great place to start. You’re not in this alone. 💛
“According to our research, in less than two decades the exponential rate of increase of POPs (persistent organic pollutants) around the world will soon prevent almost half of newborns worldwide from developing normally and with at least one birth defect.” -Dr Marin Eastman (Tobias Environmental Research Center, 2011)
8 years after this quote and this is our reality. The rates of autism, ADD, allergies, seizures, asthma, and childhood obesity and diabetes has skyrocketed in the last 20 years, and show no signs of slowing. It’s predicted that if current trends continue, 1 in 10 kids could be autistic by 2025.
Western Medicine has been of little help in pointing to the potential cause of this epidemic, focusing only on the treatment of symptoms, often using pharmaceuticals and invasive treatments. This is good news for insurance companies and Big Pharma, who make billions when people remain ill, but is terrible news for the rest of us. It means that we need to break out of the insurance model to find tools that will actually reverse and prevent disease, and not rely on our doctors for all the answers.
In a country where over 40% of adults are obese, over 30% of the population suffers from anxiety or depression, and it’s expected that over 37% of us will have cancer at some point in our lives, I find it interesting when people still swear ONLY by Western Medicine, claiming it has all the answers. If we want to turn these trends around, we have to learn how to think outside the box and not expect that everything can be solved with a pill. I suspect that the reason why most people are resistant to this idea is because getting to the root of imbalances requires a lot more effort than taking a prescription.
“The key to creating health is figuring out the cause of the problem and then providing the right conditions for the body and soul to thrive. It isn’t taking another medication.” ~ Mark Hyman, M.D.
Here’s the reality: The POPs (persistent organic pollutants) that we are all exposed to simply by being alive in the 21st century accumulate in the fatty tissues (brain, breasts, reproductive organs) and have been shown to pass easily into the placenta and breast milk of pregnant mothers. These POPs remain in the environment, even if the EPA bans their use. This means that with each new generation, a concentrated level of POPs are passed down, making it SO important for parents to detox before conception. This is how we will stop this cycle from continuing.
But aren’t these conditions genetic?
No. You are a result of both genetics and epigenetics (the environment around the gene). A copy of your genes is found inside each of your ten trillion cell nuclei. Gene expression itself is dependent on minerals bound to enzymes, which are specialized peptides made from amino acids. If the inside of your cell is clogged up with rancid oils, heavy metals, estrogenic chemicals, and artificial sweeteners and preservatives, then your cell’s manufacturing assembly line will have the wrong parts from which to build new proteins and peptides. When your cells spit out the wrong product, it is broadcasting the wrong message to the body. This miscommunication then triggers a cascade of other problems, which eventually turn into uncomfortably symptoms and a “diagnoses of disease”. But, if your diet is free of GMO foods and pesticides, and when you eat a diverse, nutrient dense diet, your “epigenetic” environment will tend to write blueprints that tell your genes to make “healthy, disease-free” proteins. However, before this will make a difference, you must first clean out the toxic build-up that has accumulated in your body over the years.
“Our body’s natural detoxification system is designed to support our health by eliminating waste products from our metabolism and from environmental toxins. Like any other hardworking system, it needs periodic rest and support to continue functioning optimally.” -Mark Hyman, MD
So I can run down to Super Supplements to grab a bottle of “liver detox” and call it good, right?
Unfortunately, there’s a lot more to a comprehensive detox than just taking a supplement.
In order to detox safely and effectively you must:
take a medical-grade detox supplement (which you can’t buy over-the-counter so you need to find a medical practitioner who specializes in this)
You need to eliminate ALL of the toxins from your diet and lifestyle (it’s usually way more than people think so you’ll want guidance)
Reduce stress (otherwise your liver and organs won’t be able to heal)
Do all of this for at least 2-3 weeks, 2-4 times a year
The first time I did a 21 day detox I was shocked at how quickly I noticed results. It’s really normal to feel crappy for the first few days (especially if you’re eliminating toxins you consume regularly, like caffeine, sugar, gluten, and alcohol). I knew this would happen because I was working with a Functional Medicine provider who was guiding me through the process. After about 5 days it felt as if the fog was lifting. My digestion improved significantly, my acne started to go away, and I began to feel more mental clarity. But the detox was only one piece of the puzzle.
Because I had been struggling with chronic anxiety, depression, and IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) for years, I decided that I would finally invest in some testing in addition to doing the detox. I ended up doing a Food sensitivity blood test that revealed 26 foods I was unknowingly reacting to as a result of Leaky Gut, and a Salivary hormone test that showed I was in stage-3 adrenal fatigue. Do you notice bloating/gas after eating certain foods, but have trouble pin-pointing what it is you’re reacting to? So did I. That’s why investing in this test was so worth it for me – no more guessing!
With the data in front of me I felt so much relief, even though the results weren’t great. I had gone from doctor to doctor seeking help and never once did they ask me what I was eating or why I was stressed. They only offered antibiotics and antidepressants, which I refused adamantly because I KNEW something else was wrong and that my body wasn’t deficient in medication – that would only offer a band-aid, not a cure. Thank goodness I trusted my gut, because once I implemented the lifestyle changes and supplements recommended by my coach, everything changed for the better.
Within 4 weeks of beginning this detoxification protocol I lost 15 lbs (we retain water when inflamed), felt more energy, had less gas/bloating, my acne and eczema was nearly gone, I was starting to wake with energy, and was quickly learning how to feed myself correctly. The foods I was reacting to were eliminated for 5 months and then I retested, revealing a significant reduction in the sensitivities. Many of the foods that I was previously reacting to were now in the clear, since that 5 months gave my body time to reduce the immune response my body had created as a result of food proteins leaking into the bloodstream through the small intestine. Every American has Leaky Gut unless they’ve actively worked on healing it, meaning parents pass it down to their children unless they’ve done the repair before conception.
In addition to physical symptoms improving, my mental health was also changing. I began doing hypnotherapy around this time and was able to release trauma and other suppressed emotions that were contributing to my imbalances. Much like comprehensive lab testing gets to the root of many physical symptoms, hypnotherapy gets to the root (which is in the subconscious) of emotional imbalances like anxiety, depression, OCD, phobias, and addiction, and more. It’s been shown to be 94.9% effective in as few as 6 sessions for treating chronic imbalances. You can read more about it here.
“Half the trouble in life is caused by pretending there isn’t any.” -Edith Wharton, The House of Mirth
So let me ask you – when was the last time you did a comprehensive medical-grade detox? If the answer is never, then it’s safe to say that all of the toxins you’ve absorbed in your life are still in your system, contributing to that pain, congestion, heartburn, and bloating. And if it hasn’t already, you can guarantee that these symptoms will eventually get louder (and potentially turn into disease) and that inflammation will pass down to your future-children.
This doesn’t have to be your future. The tools are out there, you just have to use them.
If you’d like to work 1:1 to learn the tools that have brought me and my clients into balance, schedule a consultation here. All of my programs are individualized and meant to get straight to the root of your imbalances.
No matter which route you go, I wish you all the best in your wellness journey and hope you find the tools you need to live your best life. I truly believe that we are the microcosm of the macrocosm and that in order to change the world for the better we must first start with ourselves.
When I was 5 years old I was molested by a babysitter. In these moments of powerlessness the only power a child has is over their mind, and so it’s common for them to dissociate from the experience in an attempt to reduce the trauma. Often times children don’t remember these isolated traumas because of this mental coping strategy, and this dissociative pattern often follows them into adulthood.
Until doing hypnotherapy, I didn’t fully remember this traumatic experience. I sometimes saw flashes of it in my memory, but assumed it was some terrible nightmare I was remembering, not reality.
You may ask yourself, “Why on earth would anyone want to go back to these traumas in hypnotherapy?” No one wants to reexperience trauma, and that isn’t what happens in hypnotherapy. In hypnotherapy, you’re able to go back to these traumas with support and resources so that instead of re-traumatizing you, it empowers you. The reality is that these traumas are stuck in your subconscious somewhere, creating patterns in adulthood that often aren’t in your highest good, and keeping them in the shadows only continues to give them power. For me, I developed chronic anxiety at around age 11 that followed me into adulthood and debilitated me from fully enjoying my life. I had constant nausea, struggled with insomnia, and always put others needs before my own. I embraced dissociative behaviors like binge eating, smoking pot, and oversleeping because I felt the unconscious need to cope with chronic anxiety. This went on for years – I even tried consistent traditional talk therapy and it never made any difference in the way I felt or behaved once I would leave the therapy office.
After 3 hypnotherapy sessions I made more progress than in 6 years of talk therapy.
This is because only 10% of our minds are conscious, and the remaining 90% is subconscious. This means that we are unaware of our ‘operating system’, one that was formed during childhood with an undeveloped brain. This is why in order to actually change a pattern like anxiety, depression, addiction, phobias, weight issues and even physiological imbalances like chronic pain or autoimmunity, you must explore the subconscious to shine light on where these patterns actually began.
During hypnotherapy, we use a mild level of hypnosis to relax the ego and conscious mind so that we can get straight to the root of your presenting issue – which is in the subconscious. You’re still fully aware of your surroundings and can’t be controlled by your therapist like you might see in stage hypnosis. We’re able to get to the root of your anxiety, for example, by regressing back to one of the first times you felt this way. Memories will voluntarily surface and from there we’re able to explore what you came to believe about yourself and the world during these situations. Trauma is relative to your experience but we all have it. For some, it might be that mom forgot to pick them up from kindergarten one day. For others, it might be more obvious trauma like sexual or physical abuse. Either way, when a child experiences this fear, they conclude certain things about themselves- beliefs that become the wiring that follows them into adulthood. The kid sitting on the steps watching all her friends get picked up that realized mom wasn’t coming might conclude that she isn’t important. When I was molested, my belief I took away was that I’m not safe. These beliefs get stored in your subconscious and become the filter in which you process information in the world. We also form behaviors related to these beliefs like, “I won’t stick up for myself,” or, “I’m going to hide.”
This is why talk therapy only scratches the surface of our unhealthy patterns. The reason why hypnotherapy works so quickly is because you’re able to go back to these memories, discover the old subconscious beliefs that still control the way you think, and then change them.
Once you reach a memory, you also have the opportunity to release the suppressed emotions that have been stuck in your body ever since which could be creating physical symptoms like nausea, pain, sweaty palms, weight gain, etc. This is done in a safe and contained space so that you do not become retraumatized. You are then able to reclaim parts of yourself that may have been left behind in these traumatic events. Things like your power, courage, autonomy, joy, or curiosity. As you release the pent-up emotions, reclaim the pieces that were lost, and form new beliefs about yourself and the world along with new behaviors, you’ll find that the present-day issue you wanted to work on doesn’t have as much power in your daily life. A situation that might have triggered your old belief of not being safe or important won’t have the same strength as it once did because in choosing a new, more productive belief, you’ve literally formed a new neural pathway for information to process through. Eventually this will become the new filter without even having to think about it.
The lesson here is that in order to get to the root of your unproductive patterns, you have to dive into the subconscious. Most of us have spent decades suppressing our emotions and so it takes courage and trust to willingly allow them to surface. But the beautiful thing is that once they surface, they can then release, no longer subconsciously controlling the way you perceive the world. You can gently and lovingly take the wheel from your child self and become the adult driver of your vehicle. You can take your power back and no longer be prisoner to your anxiety, depression, or addiction. It’s an extremely freeing feeling to know that you’re no longer controlled by those who traumatized you as a little one. My little girl who had her power taken away is no longer afraid and anxious. She’s joyful and courageous, her passion for life reignited. Once you learn how to love on your inner child, everything changes.
Thousands of years ago ancient rishis in India came up with the same conclusion that Socrates came up with centuries later: that the universe, including humans, is made up of energy and not matter. It’s been called chi in ancient Taoism and prana in ancient Ayurveda, but either way, it translates to, “life force”.
But in the 17th century, Newtonian physics, which was widely accepted as conclusive science, said that the whole universe is like a big machine, made of matter and nothing else, therefore so are we. Western Medicine is still stuck in this concept, even though the rest of science has moved onto quantum physics, which says that as you go deeper into an atom, it is revealed that there is nothing there but energy waves.
An atom, the building block of the human body, is like an invisible forcefield which emits waves of electrical energy – it is made up of 99.99% energy and only .01% matter.
So if you want to have any impact on your experience of this life, you need to learn how to direct this energy, which can be done with your thoughts and the energy you allow in and around your body. In a time when chronic illness is rampant and anxiety is the norm, I think we could all benefit from learning this. Thousands of years ago in Chinese Medicine and Ayurveda, methods were discovered about how to direct this energy to prevent and reverse chronic imbalances – and they didn’t have smartphones or Netflix back then! So it’s all the more important we all are proactive about managing our personal energy not just to stay balanced and happy, but to reach our goals.
I’ve worked with clients in the past who get really pumped up and excited in the beginning of a program because they have a really clear goal and see a path to reaching it, but then once the real work begins, they lose steam.
When shit gets hard on a detox or another food protocol, and you’re sitting in front of Starbucks, craving your usual zap of stimulants, you’re going to need a “why” to turn your toosh around.
Your why should be like your mantra – it’s going to be something you need to come back to every day to remind yourself why you’re putting in this work, because trust me, your inner-teenager is going to come out swinging at some point, demanding cheese-fries and diet-coke, and you’ll want to make sure you’re equipped to gently move through it. And to do this, you’ll need a WHY.
Sit down and think about it. What is the sacrifice you’re currently making? Have you cut out a food like gluten or sugar? Are you trying keto for a while? Are you on a strict protocol to reverse an imbalance? Are you studying for a test or working on a job/college application? Are you on a strict workout regiment?
Once the sacrifice you’re making is clear, then ask yourself. WHY am I doing this? Maybe you’re doing Natural Infertility Solutions and are in preconception mode. Perhaps you’re on a weight-loss or autoimmunity protocol that requires clean eating and regular supplementation. Or maybe you’re working towards the career of your dreams.
I have to use my mantra almost daily. If I’m feeling rebellious and my inner-teenager tells me, “that second cookie is going to taste soooo good,” then I repeat my why: “I eat clean food and exercise regularly so that I can maintain a healthy weight and remain happy, energetic, and focused.”
Does this work every time? Uh, no, talk to me two days ago after my third cookie. Sometimes my stress eating resurfaces – no one is perfect. But this practice has gotten me through countless detoxes and cleanse protocols that I needed to do to attain the current level of balance that is my new norm (and the new cookies of choice are homemade, organic and paleo, not Otis Spunkmeyer like in the old days, so, ya know, progress).
Get clear on WHY you’re putting energy into a goal and come back to it when your defiant teenager wants to sabotage your progress.
I set reminders on my phone with my why to turn this into a habit, cause Lawd knows my teenager likes to complain. I keep telling her to go have fun with her friends, but man, she likes to bitch and moan. The more that you can see you why, the more your thoughts will be directed to it, and as a result, the more energy you’ll put towards your goal.
If you have questions about this process, don’t hesitate to reach out here or on Instagram or Facebook.
Lean into suffering. I know this sounds counterintuitive but hear me out. We will live an average of 78.69 years on earth and most of us will spend those years in a futile attempt to numb and distract from pain and suffering. We’ll go on stimulating vacations, pay for doctors and prescriptions, drink/smoke/vape/Juul/whatever new addictive trend is in, eat food and consume media that triggers as many dopamine/pleasure responses as possible—and all the while our deepest fears and pains still reside in our bodies and subconscious minds, ready to knock you off your center at any moment.
Avoidance is a recipe for bigger pain and louder suffering.
In the span of a few years I went from having mild anxiety to having chronic nausea, gut issues and depression, regular anxiety attacks and insomnia, and was quickly losing my will to live. It wasn’t until I faced my fear and suffering head on that I was able to get to the root of the unhealthy pattens and beliefs that were controlling my life.
Looking at my fear face to face was what eventually gave me emotional (and physical) freedom.
This is why I meditate. It isn’t easy. In fact it really sucks sometimes to sit for 30 minutes observing the noise in my head when all I want to do is sleep in a bit longer. But what this practice allows me to do is to understand the insanity of my human mind so that the ridiculous voices of my ego don’t control me anymore. The judgmental, self-doubty, scared little kid that lives inside all of us and does everything to feel powerful and in control. The one that really drives the car.
She felt disempowered many times as a little one. She didn’t have much of a choice about how to perceive the world as a kid. But that little one will not drive my adult life anymore. I have a choice in that.
That is why I continue to do my own hypnotherapy sessions with my therapist so that I can regress to impactful memories that solidified these unhealthy beliefs into my psyche- The traumatic but also sometimes first world situations that programmed my subconscious wiring.
Mom forgot to pick me up from school when I was 5 so sitting on the steps of primary school that little one decided that she wasn’t important. She decided to act small – now that a new neural pathway was formed with that belief she will continue to look for situations that confirm her lack of importance. Rather than see 5 of her close friends invite her to their birthday parties, she focuses on the fact that her best friend didn’t invite her to her party. See? I know I’m not important.
What happens in hypnotherapy is that I can scoop that little one up and remind her that she is important and loved. I can create a new belief with an adult mind that empowers me and helps to bring awareness to the numbing behaviors I partake in to avoid these negative self-perceptions. I have the power to create new, more productive neural pathways in my subconscious. I can literally rewire my mind.
That is real power. And it doesn’t come from avoiding fear and suffering. It comes from walking up to it and placing a graceful hand to its face and saying, “I see you. I hear you. I love you.”
Hypnotherapy is a tool that can guide you to those places in your subconscious mind that have control over your life. It provides a flashlight into your very programming. What do you think, is your mind ready for a software update?
If so, come see me for some hypnotherapy in Kirkland. A couple of 75 minute sessions just might offer you more insight than you’ll get from years of talk therapy.
Underneath this smile used to be more fear than I could name.
The weight of it was like a prison from which I couldn’t escape.
I made every effort to numb and suppress it with inflammatory
“comfort” food and drink, social media and my phone, Netflix/Hulu/HBO NOW/Starz
(I’m no amateur streamer), and pot. I was in a constant state of survival,
grasping for anything that would make the fear go away, even if only
temporarily.
Waking up each day was a battle. I would wake with panic and
nausea, and then the wave of judgement and shame would immobilize me even more.
How could I feel this way when I had so much to be grateful for? I had a family
and husband who loved me, a job I was passionate about, a beautiful home – how could
I be so entitled?
Eventually this bombardment of emotion was too much for my
body to take. It got to the point where I didn’t want to wake up anymore. I
would pray that I wouldn’t – if it would just free me from the constant pain
and anxiety that controlled my body, mind and spirit.
Once I reached rock bottom I realized that I had nothing to
lose. I was at a choice point: life or fear. So I summoned what little strength
I had left to connect to Universal Consciousness/God/Spirit/Divine/whatever you
want to call it- I was ready to do anything that would free me from the
constant struggle. Even though I hated it in the past, I felt guided to start meditating
and spend more time in nature.
Once I opened up the space for my Higher Self to guide me I
couldn’t ignore the messages about what needed to happen for me to come back to
life. And ultimately it meant ending a marriage with my best friend. I was ignoring
this truth for too long because it was too painful to face, so my body got
louder- the nausea and anxiety got worse.
I don’t regret that relationship, nor do I harbor any ill
feelings towards my ex. Neither of us did anything wrong, but our paths had to
go different ways for our highest good. And that was a terrifying truth to
face, but one that ultimately changed my life for the better.
Hiking the Isle of Skye, Scotland this past summer. One of the many magical experiences I had after releasing pent up fear.
This experience taught me how to listen to my body; a skill
that many of us lack, especially in such a distracting society. I now know how
to discern what is in my best interest and what is not, whether that be
relationships, food, experiences, or thoughts. As I continue to practice this
skill I realize how lost most of us really are because we don’t know how to
listen to our inner knowing. Each of us has a higher self (that gut instinct
you get? Yeah, that’s her) that is doing everything in her power to lead you
toward your highest good and life purpose. The more we ignore her, the louder
she gets. Trust me, don’t try to shut her up because she can out-scream you any
day of the week.
Are you suppressing emotions because they’re uncomfortable to
deal with? If you aren’t then you likely don’t have a pulse…
90% of our mind is subconscious. So every time you have a
stressful situation or emotion and choose to numb out with The Bachelor (Game
of Thrones is my poison of choice) or that Pumpkin Spice Latte and chocolate
muffin- all you’re really doing is shoving it down into your subconscious. That
shame or fear is having a party with all the other misfit emotions you weren’t
equipped to deal with and have suppressed, and eventually that casual party is
going to turn into a rager and the cops are going to come and your neighbors are
going to freak out and… you get the point. Shit is going to hit the fan
eventually. Your suppressed emotions are a ticking time bomb, patiently waiting
to turn into chronic anxiety or acne or cancer or autoimmunity or *fill in the
blank with any disease or symptom you’re not getting to the root of*, if they
haven’t already.
Playing in a river near Glen Coe, Scotland last July – chronic anxiety free!
But here’s what’s exciting! There are tools to heal these
traumas and suppressed emotions. You don’t have to keep living like this. Hypnotherapy
was one of the most powerful tools for releasing years and years of suppressed
emotions that were causing IBS, acne, depression, anxiety and ADD. I also had
to detox and change my diet to fully heal, but getting to the emotional root
was the biggest piece of the puzzle.
When I see pictures of myself now I can’t believe how light and bright I feel compared to a year ago. And love, you can have that, too. You just need to invest in yourself and your healing. Every moment of every day you have a choice. Life or fear?
It’s the season of giving thanks (but like, shouldn’t that be every season?), and I’m finding myself feeling rather out of balance, grasping for tools that bring me back to myself. This has been a difficult month for me. Well, to be honest, it’s been a pretty difficult year. This month has been challenging with the 7th move in 11 months for me. This is because I ended my marriage in January, which was devastating to not only my world, but all those that were effected by my decision to leave. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever been through and by far the most difficult choice I’ve ever had to make. I hesitate to share much out of respect for my former partner and his family, but I feel that this personal learning experience I went through might offer healing to some who hear it.
We need to hear one another’s stories. We need to see each other as mirrors, put before one another to reflect (sometimes painful) truths about ourselves, but nonetheless there to teach us. I’ve been studying clinical hypnotherapy for several years now and have been witness to so many stories that have touched me on a deep level that no matter how vulnerable I might feel, I’m committing to speaking my truth in the hopes that it helps someone else do the same.
This very idea was at the root of why I decided to end things with my husband last winter. I had been struggling with physical symptoms like nausea, chronic fatigue and IBS as well as depression and anxiety for years by this point, but through the deep work that I was luckily guided to (via my mother), I was able to uncover what was at the root of my chronic symptoms. I had established a daily mediation practice several months prior to this, committing to even 5 minutes a day, as long as I was consistent, which I surprisingly was. My mom had been meditating daily for years, encouraging me and my 3 siblings to follow suit when we would ask her why we felt anxious or depressed. My step-dad was a meditation teacher for crying out loud! But I wasn’t ready until I was, and that’s okay.
What hypnotherapy and meditation ultimately did for me was offer clarity. I was able to see not only what was creating the physical symptoms, but also why I had let it go on so long. Heart-centered hypnotherapy is like a flashlight that shines past the conscious mind and into the subconscious mind to where the beliefs we created about ourselves and the world during childhood actually live. Talk therapy operates in the conscious mind, so unfortunately I didn’t make much personal progress as a client until I discovered this deeper kind of work. This is because these deeply rooted subconscious beliefs are what drive our actions and emotions as adults. They’re a result of us observing the world and people around us as kids, deciding how we were going to survive, what felt safe, and ultimately how our egos were going to run the show. But the great thing is we can rewire those beliefs, it just requires exploring the subconscious mind (which makes up 90% of your psyche!), not the just the conscious mind (a mere 10%).
Once I could tap into why I was blinded by my fear of abandonment (through hypnotherapy) and begin to heal the root belief that I wasn’t important or lovable, I was able to release some of the anxiety that was keeping me “safe” in my comfort zone (my marriage), rather than take a leap of faith and do what my soul was guiding me to do, which was leave. My body was manifesting physical symptoms to get my attention, I’m just super skilled at ignoring things that make me uncomfortable, so me and Netflix lived in a fog together for quite a while. I felt like a shell of a person most of the time, with terrible nausea and digestion- it felt like there was this huge weight inside of me. I had no motivation and terrible insomnia, and honestly wished I wouldn’t wake up a lot of the time when I could finally sleep. It was a pretty dark time, and forced me to become super desperate to do anything that might help.
After committing to a regular meditation practice I couldn’t help but be more attuned to why my body was sick. And guess what? Once I made the terrifying decision to leave my best friend and husband because I knew it was best for my overall growth, I felt like a different person. Almost a year later and I still feel clear, happy, and light.
So…why? I’ve gone through each end of the emotional spectrum about 50 thousand times this year and have sat with this question quite a bit. I mean, c’mon, Spirit! Couldn’t it be a little easier? Why do hearts have to break and why do families get torn apart? Why did my body force me to uproot our world and life and cause so much pain?
What I’ve come to learn through the pain and the mess and the tears of this year is that life is just one big arena. We’re here to learn and expand and transcend the trauma and pain that we’ve experienced; not to become a victim of it, but rather a student. When my body started getting sick, I could have continued to let it dictate my life for even more years than I did. I could have given up after years of trying allopathic medicine didn’t help me and continue to sink into a deeper depression and chronic fog. But thank goodness I had the support and community to encourage me to keep asking why and keep digging deeper to heal the real root of my symptoms, because now I have skills that I otherwise wouldn’t have had if my body hadn’t become ill. I know there’s more growth to go, but I’ve become highly attuned to my body as a result of my experiences this year. I also learned more than I can possibly express in my marriage and am a much better and more self-aware person as a result of it. Both of us walked away with gratitude and love for one another and agreed that even though it ended in divorce, it was still a successful relationship because of how much we both expanded and grew.
I began this entry saying this was a very difficult year for me. But I’ll finish by saying it’s also been the best year of my life. I’ve moved homes 7 times in 11 months, completing my 7th a couple of days ago. Each time was extremely difficult, but always reminded me of the unconditional support and deep community I have surrounding me. I rehomed my beloved dog to my uncle in California because I know he’ll have a happier and more fulfilling life there. The grief still feels like a knife in my gut sometimes, but Leo has a playmate and loving home and for that I feel immense gratitude. I lost a husband, 2 step-children and our home this year and faced depths of pain I could have never imagined. But I’ve also learned that I can and must trust myself, because out of the pain I’ve emerged brighter, more vibrant, and closer to my true essence than ever before.
So if you’re feeling lost, scared, depressed, or hurt, I’ll ask that you give something a try. When you’re stuck in one of those automatic mental tapes- you know the ones: “No one will ever be with me because I’m too fat,” “I’m not smart enough to go to grad school,” “My husband is selfish and doesn’t pay attention to me,” etc and on and on and on, press pause on the tape and take a breath. Look around you and decide to be grateful. I know that sounds ridiculous but seriously, if you redirect your thoughts, your emotions will often follow. It can be anything; the color of the fall leaves (that’s been a big one for me in my moving fog), the fact that you have an iPhone and can FaceTime your mom from 10,000 miles away, RUNNING WATER…the list goes on. Gratitude has been one of the most powerful tools for me during this year’s challenges and I love sharing it with people. Our thoughts become habits, and just like any bad habit, you can change them to good ones with practice. We can’t escape pain in this life, but we can choose if we allow it to become suffering. Life is too short to keep suffering, don’t you think?
I’m 13 days into my mum’s (@drkeesha) 40-day Abundance Practice and am experiencing the results already. The practice consists of doing a specific meditation for ten consecutive days and then repeating that 4 times until you reach 40 days, otherwise you start back on day 1. It’s a great way to stay consistent with your daily spiritual practice. Trust me, I have those mornings where I want to sleep in, thinking, “I’m sooo grounded right now, I don’t need to meditate today.” And then 5 hours later I wonder why normal things are overwhelming me more than usual. Some of us are slow learners…. cough, cough.
I’ve done the full 40 day abundance practice 6 times, and each time I do, I always feel more motivated and inspired than if I’m missing a day of meditation here and there. It’s amazing how powerful not speaking- just sitting in silence and focusing on your breath can be in making magic happen in your life.
In the abundance practice, you basically focus your awareness on abundance and divine energy and how it’s all around you (this could be physical abundance in your health, mental/emotional abundance, monetary abundance, career abundance, you name it) and change your mindset to really believe and feel this truth. Simple, right? Not really. That’s why having a guide to help rewire the automatic self-sabotaging thoughts is extremely effective, and that’s what the abundance practice does. All you do is read a short meditation -I like to write it in my journal as well- and then meditate for 5-30 minutes with this in the back of your mind and receive whatever guidance comes. It’s like tapping into the flow of the universe and attracting whatever energy you desire toward you. What you focus on you create more of. Trust me. This shit works.
These pictures are some of the abundance I’ve experienced recently. I manifested 2.5 months in Scotland and made it happen using the abundance practice. Better yet? I got to spend 2 of those weeks traveling around to the many sacred sites and stone circles in Scotland with my mom and bonus dad.
This is the Ring of Brogdar on Isle of Orkney, one of the amazing isles north of mainland Scotland. It’s an ancient structure, dating back to 3000BC that originally consisted of 60 standing stones (36 remain) and is believed to be a gathering site that forms a ring of stones around one of the many powerful energetic locations on the planet. Tapping into the energetic flow of universal intelligence/consciousness/god- whatever you want to call it- was easy there. It was like plugging in- I could literally feel a visceral change in energy when I walked inside the circle- a recharge of the soul- full of love, gratitude, nourishment, joy- it felt like all of the yumminess of the world converging in one place and it was all pouring into my being.
Mesa ceremony with mum in the center of the Ring was one of the most powerful mother/daughter bonding experiences I’ve ever had. Someone before us had left tobacco during their own ceremony. We didn’t move it, just added our own contributions. So lucky to call this mum mine.
And what this experience made me remember is that this yumminess is all around us, not just at sacred sites like Brogdar. Every time I sit down and meditate, or take a walk in nature, sink my feet in the sand, laugh with friends, eat delicious food, hear a beautiful song, see a devoted elderly couple holding hands- all of this is that catalytic energy that we can tap into to manifest whatever we desire in this life. But we forget because we’re too distracted and numbed out by our stress, electronics, media, dead/nutrient-lacking food, chemicals, and the rest of the 21st century that we lose focus of the beauty surrounding us. And then we feel sick, depressed, alone, anxious, and/or inflamed.
But the medicine for these imbalances is right there for your taking. All you have to do is focus your awareness on it. The laughter of a toddler, the vibrant colors of the forest, the way it feels to be held by someone you love, the stillness from sitting in meditation- that vibration, that feeling- you can harness it. Bring it close. You can soothe the worry of daily life with this medicine. Recharge your entire being with it.
And when you do, you’ll be amazed at how powerful you are. And you won’t be able to look back. You’ll see and experience abundance all around you. The goals that you’ve set your mind to- that promotion, the new clients, the vitality you used to have, the man of your dreams- all of those will start becoming your reality. It’s unreal how quickly it starts to unfold. It’s like we all have this superpower that we’re ignoring. Imagine what a wonderful world we would live in if each one of us took a few moments each day to tap into the life force of the universe.
Each one of us makes up a light in the constellation of the universe- like a grid of stars. When you tap into the energy of universal consciousness you’ll realize that if you don’t shine your light fully, you’re robbing the rest of us from experiencing it, and that my friend, is a damned shame. Don’t keep your light dim anymore. Ask for help. Sit in silence and receive the medicine from the world around you. You are the microcosm of the macrocosm of the universe. Let’s shift the tide of this planet for the better. We have to do it together.
In vibrant health,
Kendyl
If you’re interested in trying the 40 Day Abundance Practice you can get it here. Let me know what unfolds for you in the comments below!
What hypnotherapy and meditation ultimately did for me was offer clarity. I was able to see not only what was creating the physical symptoms, but also why I had let it go on so long. Heart-centered hypnotherapy is like a flashlight that shines past the conscious mind and into the subconscious mind to where the beliefs we created about ourselves and the world during childhood actually live. Talk therapy operates in the conscious mind, so unfortunately I didn’t make much personal progress as a client until I discovered this deeper kind of work. This is because these deeply rooted subconscious beliefs are what drive our actions and emotions as adults. They’re a result of us observing the world and people around us as kids, deciding how we were going to survive, what felt safe, and ultimately how our egos were going to run the show. But the great thing is we can rewire those beliefs, it just requires exploring the subconscious mind (which makes up 90% of your psyche!), not the just the conscious mind (a mere 10%).
