Posted on

Healing From Trauma, One Breath at a Time

When I first started on my healing path, it took me a long time to learn how to be in my body. I didn’t even realize I had been OUT of my body until I really dove into hypnotherapy, and eventually my clinical hypnotherapist training as a result of my crippling anxiety, depression, and digestive issues. Trauma often forces us out of our bodies and can make it uncomfortable to return. At first, it may have been a protective mechanism in response to trauma. But later, that mind-body disconnection can often turn into anxiety, depression, autoimmunity, and other chronic conditions.

Breathwork was one of the tools that REALLY helped me be in my body fully, which is where emotions live, which is why I (and so many) avoided being there for so long. But if we don’t release these pressure-cooked emotions, they end up being destructive, not just to you, but to those around you who are victims of those emotions coming out sideways.

What is breathwork?

Breathwork is a pattern of breathing that elicits non ordinary states of consciousness (also called holotropic breath work). Naturally occurring DMT (dimethyltriptamine) is created in our lungs and we release it when we breathe this pattern. The purpose of Breathwork is healing, integrating, and purifying. We learn who we are, and who we are not. We have a corrective experience of our breath, imprinting from a place of awareness, enlisting inner and outer resources. We do it to free ourselves from the conditioning, patterning and imprinting that we were given before we had any choice.

Group sessions are about 2 hours. We’ll join on Zoom and begin with instruction on how to do the breathing pattern. I’ll then start a playlist of songs meant to help move your breath. You’ll breath for about 75 minutes (everyone’s microphones will be muted so you will only hear the music, but if you have questions I’ll be monitoring and can communicate through the chat feature on Zoom) in a comfortable space you’ve created in your home (laying on a mat or flat surface is ideal). During this time many people experience different things – please read this FAQ about Breathwork. Once the 75 minutes have passed and the music stops, we’ll join back together for an optional group sharing. Many people have transformational experiences and it’s beautiful to process as a group. 

If you would like to join me and other truth-seekers in one of these online Breathwork sessions, schedule below. From the comfort of your home, you can drop into a deeper state of awareness, release what no longer serves you, and connect with a group of like-minded people who are doing their personal work. And? It’s only $30. 

FAQ about Breathwork 

Hope to see you there,

xo,

Kendyl

Posted on

Turn Your Pain into Something Meaningful

“You are not supposed to be happy all the time. Life hurts and it’s hard. Not because you’re doing it wrong, but because it hurts for everybody. Don’t avoid the pain. You need it. It’s meant for you. Be still with it, let it come, let it go, let it leave you with the fuel you’ll burn to get your work done on this earth.” -Glennon Doyle

It’s so easy to avoid pain. Turn on the TV, scroll through social media, drink, smoke, eat, over-exercise… we all have our techniques for burying the discomfort, but unfortunately this only works for so long. The symptoms get louder. For me, I went from doctor to doctor trying to balance my anxiety, depression, and IBS, but all they offered were prescriptions, which only covered up the symptoms. They never asked me about my stress…

At the time I was in a toxic marriage with someone 18 years older than me, was trying my best to be a good step-mom to 2 young boys (one on the autism spectrum), and trying to go to college and work at the same time. The symptoms kept getting louder, until I didn’t even want to wake up anymore. I loved them all so much, so why did it hurt so badly?

Everyone I loved on the outside could diagnose the root cause of my issues as being the relationship (and stress that came with it), but I was too wrapped up in my codependency and idea of “loving someone so deeply” that I thought the pain was just a trade-off. That, sprinkled with some emotional manipulation, left me feeling trapped.

But when I finally got underneath the pain through hypnotherapy, I saw that my attachment issues stemmed from my daddy issues (dad moved away after parents split at 11), so until I healed the little girl who felt worthless because dad left, I couldn’t possibly see that my current partner was not in my highest good. I had to learn how to fill myself up, rather than seek external forces for my sense of worth. And once I did, the truth was so glaring that it didn’t take long for me to leave the marriage.

So lovie, what pain are you avoiding? I can tell you from experience that burying it only works for so long, and ends up creating more pain in the long run. If you’re ready to really work on it, a virtual hypnotherapy session is a great place to start. You’re not in this alone. 💛

Posted on

Befriend Your Anxiety…It’s Trying to Tell You Something

Whenever you’re about to embark on a new journey, or are facing a challenge (illness, loss of job, ending of marriage, etc) you encounter something called liminal space – this is the period of time when you’re standing on the edge of the unknown, often in a state of fear or anxiety. This is the opposite of your comfort zone, and yet it’s often where some of the yumminess of life takes place. 

Think about it – before your first kiss, on your wedding day, being in labor with your baby – all of these times were usually scary as hell and yet the most memorable, formative, and rewarding. In all of these times you experienced a period of liminal space. You had a choice about how to react. You could tolerate it, suppress it, or lean into it. We all know what it feels like to choose all of these paths, so maybe we ought to pay attention to when we’re in a liminal space, so as to be mindful about it, rather than unconscious. This can help us avoid prolonged liminality, aka, more suffering! 

Ecological theologian Sallie McFague describes the liminal space as “a space where one is available for deep change from the conventional model of living to another one.”

While this liminal space is uncomfortable, ambiguous, and uncertain, it is also freeing. It is necessary for change and growth.

Anytime you feel anxious or afraid, it’s information. What often makes it worse is the meaning we attach to the fear, and therefore the belief we take on about it, which then creates more fear. So when you notice yourself feeling afraid, greet it, befriend it – ask it what it needs. If you drink a bunch of wine or turn on the TV, you’ve only suppressed it, making the discomfort last longer than necessary. 

I know that there have been times when I didn’t want to hear what my fear needed – I was afraid of what it had to tell me. The most difficult experience of this was in my previous marriage when my intuition (the way your higher-self talks to you) was begging me to get out of the relationship but my subconscious (child-self) was too afraid of what was on the other side – too afraid of the liminal space. So I stayed way longer than I should have, and as a result suffered from severe depression, anxiety, and IBS, until it got so bad that I was willing to do anything to feel different. I mustered up the little courage and life I had left and ended the marriage, diving into the unknown. 

I have grown since my divorce, more than I can articulate in words. It’s in the way I feel and walk in the world now – with more confidence, power, and trust in myself and this crazy thing we call life. My intuition was guiding me to a more fulfilling path, a healthier partner, and a more joyful human experience, I just had to surrender to my truth and take action. 

Everything in your life doesn’t happen to you, it happens for you.

If you’re stuck, get help. There are coaches, therapists, doctors, naturopaths, support groups, meetups, books, Ted Talks, and so many other ways to get support. Listen to your gut and it will guide you to the tools that will help you become more of who you know you’re meant to be. Your higher-self is BEGGING you to open yourself to becoming the greatest expression of love that you can be while you’re on this earth so that you can leave it better than when you found it. If not for that, why else are we here?

Posted on

From Grinch to Glee

My step-father recently said I was like, “a gleeful elf lady.” Without context this could come off as a weird compliment, and even with context it’s still a little weird, but it still warmed my heart. My family used to refer to me as “Grinchy K”. This didn’t feel quite as good, but it’s mostly because I really felt like a grinch and didn’t like them calling me out for it. I’m not very good at hiding my bad moods and up until a few years ago they were more frequent than good moods. 

Since about age 11 I’ve struggled with chronic anxiety, depression, and IBS. I didn’t know this until I was about 18 and was able to identify what anxiety and depression actually were, since up until then I never thought twice about the way I was feeling all the time. I assumed I was a typical hormonal teenager who liked to stay in bed as many hours as possible and would nearly vomit from nerves before getting asked to Homecoming – you know, normal teen stuff….right?

Once I got into college things really came to a head. My emotional and physical health tanked and I was desperate to find tools that would help me feel better. I went through extensive Functional Medicine lab testing for hormones, food sensitivities, GI health, and mineral/nutrient analysis and found that I had candida overgrowth, parasites, leaky gut, adrenal fatigue, heavy metals and super imbalanced minerals.

After several years of physical repair combined with hypnotherapy and meditation, I’m 95% better. I still get bouts of fatigue, anxiety, depression and bloating if I’m super stressed and not eating right, but at least I have the tools to bring me back to balance when I need. And that feels like a blessing.

The days of grinchy K are over – the gleeful elf lady has emerged and is sticking around!

So let me ask you? What needs to happen for your inner world to feel less grinchy so that you can make space for more glee?

If you want to learn more about individualized wellness programs that will empower you to transcend your imbalances, click here.

Posted on

Paleo Pumpkin Bread

It’s begun.

Fall has officially arrived and is distinctly marked by all of the “PSL” advertising, deliciously fragrant pumpkin candles lining store checkouts, and abundance of Uggs warming cold toesies.

I officially made “the switch” from a standard American diet to a 90% paleo diet in 2014 in an effort to get to the root of my anxiety, IBS and depression (I still eat rice and corn here and there on special occasions, but the bulk of what I eat is veggies and clean animal proteins…and chocolate). Eliminating these foods is one of the main reasons why I feel so much more balanced, all without prescription drugs. Western doctors told me my imbalances were genetic and that my food had no influence, but that medication would help with my chronic symptoms. Well, I proved them wrong, just like so many of you who are taking your health into your own hands. Within weeks of eliminating gluten, dairy, sugar and coffee (in conjunction with hypnotherapy), I felt better than I had in years.

However, I still grieved the foods I had grown accustomed to eating. I remember the first Fall when I realized I couldn’t order a pumpkin scone or pumpkin spice latte at Starbucks. This was a tragic moment in my life – what is Fall without PSL?! I even prepared by wearing my Uggs and Lululemon!

To re-convince myself about why I was eliminating this stuff, I decided to look up what was in the pumpkin syrup used in the infamous PSL. In an effort to make the transition easier, I had started recreating some of my favorite comfort foods (like chocolate chip cookies) and found seeing the ingredients was a helpful place to start. In my blissful ignorance, I was shocked when I read the nutritional labels for the scone and latte. At the time, they were using high fructose corn syrup and caramel coloring in their recipes – both of which are carcinogenic and cause developmental delays. They’ve since omitted caramel color but still use high-fructose corn syrup in most of their popular recipes. You can read more about the dangers of caramel coloring here, because even though Starbucks has taken it out of recipes, it’s still hidden in all kinds of products, from cough drops to condiments, as shown below.

The more you learn about the food industry, the more you realize you have to take your health into your own hands. Companies are getting away with putting toxic chemicals in foods that children eat, all for the sake of aesthetic. So please, read your labels and be a responsible consumer, for the sake of your health and the health of future generations. 

This pumpkin bread recipe is obviously free of anything inflammatory or toxic, and instead is loaded with nutrient-dense ingredients that will not only fuel you, but will also satiate the craving you have for something fall-y! I always double the recipe and freeze some pre-sliced pieces to pop in the toaster at any time. I found an organic maple butter that is to die for and it goes perfectly on a piece of toasted pumpkin bread. And guess what? It has one ingredient: maple syrup. Guess how many ingredients Starbucks pumpkin scones have? 39. Yep. And those ingredients include soybean oil, high fructose corn syrup, wheat, dairy, and a truckload of preservatives, all of which contribute to chronic inflammation and disease. There’s a reason why people feel SO much better when they eliminate these foods. You are what you eat, so choose wisely 🙂 

PALEO PUMPKIN BREAD RECIPE

Ingredients

Instructions

  1. Place a rack in the center of your oven and preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Lightly coat a 8×4-inch loaf pan with nonstick spray, line with parchment paper so that the paper drapes over the sides like handles, then lightly coat with spray again.
  2. In a large bowl, stir together the almond flour, protein powder, arrowroot, collagen, salt, baking soda, and pumpkin spice. In a separate bowl or stand mixer, whisk together the eggs, pumpkin, maple syrup, coconut sugar and vanilla. 
  3. Slowly combine the dry ingredients with the wet ingredients. Fold in any desired mix-ins.
  4. Scrape into the prepared loaf pan and smooth the top. Bake for 42 to 48 minutes, until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Place the pan on a wire rack and let cool 30 minutes. Gently lift out the bread with the parchment overhang and place on the rack to finish cooling completely. Slice and enjoy with ghee, grass-fed butter or my personal favorite, maple butter. 

Notes: double and freeze pre-sliced pieces that you can toast whenever you want. Will keep well in freezer for 3 months. 

Posted on

Learn This Easy Tool to Quit Self-Sabotaging

Thousands of years ago ancient rishis in India came up with the same conclusion that Socrates came up with centuries later: that the universe, including humans, is made up of energy and not matter. It’s been called chi in ancient Taoism and prana in ancient Ayurveda, but either way, it translates to, “life force”.

But in the 17th century, Newtonian physics, which was widely accepted as conclusive science, said that the whole universe is like a big machine, made of matter and nothing else, therefore so are we. Western Medicine is still stuck in this concept, even though the rest of science has moved onto quantum physics, which says that as you go deeper into an atom, it is revealed that there is nothing there but energy waves.

An atom, the building block of the human body, is like an invisible forcefield which emits waves of electrical energy – it is made up of 99.99% energy and only .01% matter. 

So if you want to have any impact on your experience of this life, you need to learn how to direct this energy, which can be done with your thoughts and the energy you allow in and around your body. In a time when chronic illness is rampant and anxiety is the norm, I think we could all benefit from learning this. Thousands of years ago in Chinese Medicine and Ayurveda, methods were discovered about how to direct this energy to prevent and reverse chronic imbalances – and they didn’t have smartphones or Netflix back then! So it’s all the more important we all are proactive about managing our personal energy not just to stay balanced and happy, but to reach our goals.

I’ve worked with clients in the past who get really pumped up and excited in the beginning of a program because they have a really clear goal and see a path to reaching it, but then once the real work begins, they lose steam. 

When shit gets hard on a detox or another food protocol, and you’re sitting in front of Starbucks, craving your usual zap of stimulants, you’re going to need a “why” to turn your toosh around. 

Your why should be like your mantra – it’s going to be something you need to come back to every day to remind yourself why you’re putting in this work, because trust me, your inner-teenager is going to come out swinging at some point, demanding cheese-fries and diet-coke, and you’ll want to make sure you’re equipped to gently move through it. And to do this, you’ll need a WHY. 

  1. Sit down and think about it. What is the sacrifice you’re currently making? Have you cut out a food like gluten or sugar? Are you trying keto for a while? Are you on a strict protocol to reverse an imbalance? Are you studying for a test or working on a job/college application? Are you on a strict workout regiment?
  2. Once the sacrifice you’re making is clear, then ask yourself. WHY am I doing this? Maybe you’re doing Natural Infertility Solutions and are in preconception mode. Perhaps you’re on a weight-loss or autoimmunity protocol that requires clean eating and regular supplementation. Or maybe you’re working towards the career of your dreams.

I have to use my mantra almost daily. If I’m feeling rebellious and my inner-teenager tells me, “that second cookie is going to taste soooo good,” then I repeat my why: “I eat clean food and exercise regularly so that I can maintain a healthy weight and remain happy, energetic, and focused.” 

Does this work every time? Uh, no, talk to me two days ago after my third cookie. Sometimes my stress eating resurfaces – no one is perfect. But this practice has gotten me through countless detoxes and cleanse protocols that I needed to do to attain the current level of balance that is my new norm (and the new cookies of choice are homemade, organic and paleo, not Otis Spunkmeyer like in the old days, so, ya know, progress). 

Get clear on WHY you’re putting energy into a goal and come back to it when your defiant teenager wants to sabotage your progress.

I set reminders on my phone with my why to turn this into a habit, cause Lawd knows my teenager likes to complain. I keep telling her to go have fun with her friends, but man, she likes to bitch and moan. The more that you can see you why, the more your thoughts will be directed to it, and as a result, the more energy you’ll put towards your goal.

If you have questions about this process, don’t hesitate to reach out here or on Instagram or Facebook.

In vibrant health,

Posted on

Ayurveda: The Science of Life

The 5,000 year old sister-science of yoga, Ayurveda (from Sanskrit words ayur, meaning “life” and veda, meaning “knowledge” or “wisdom”) helps us to harmonize our minds, bodies, and lifestyles with our spiritual purpose. It teaches that we are a microcosm, a universe within ourselves. That we are the children of cosmic forces and the external environment, the macrocosm.

According to the Cancer Research Institute, 38.4% of men and women will be diagnosed with some form of cancer in their lifetimes.

Have you noticed how chronically sick we are today? I don’t know anyone that doesn’t struggle with anxiety, depression, fatigue, ADD, digestive issues, skin imbalances, joint pain, or autoimmunity. I believe this is partly because Western Medicine generalizes and categorizes individuality- looking only at symptoms. Ayurveda holds that normality must be evaluated individually, because every human constitution manifests its own particular spontaneous temperament and functioning.

Shirodara, a deeply healing ayurvedic treatment in Pancha Karma.

In Ayurveda there are 3 main body types, or doshas that determine your individual makeup. Recognizing that human begins are parts of nature, Ayurveda describes three fundamental energies that govern our inner and outer environments: movement, transformation, and structure. Known in Sanskrit as Vata (wind), Pitta (fire), and Kapha (Earth), these primary forces are responsible for the characteristics of our mind and body and are what we use to classify your dosha (body type). Your dosha can be accurately determined by a pulse diagnoses from an Ayurvedic practitioner and is very helpful to know so that you have a roadmap for disease prevention and balancing. Because we all have one dominant dosha, it’s no wonder why different people react to environmental circumstances differently. Some people tolerate high heat very well, others like me with a lot of Pitta (fire) in us become very cranky in high temperatures. Once you know what your dosha is, you can learn how to bring yourself into balance with your diet, lifestyle and mental/spiritual habits, no matter what your environment might be like.

The human body consists of seven basic and vital tissues called dhatus. The Sanskrit word dhatu means “constructing element”. These seven are responsible for the functions of the different organs, systems and vital parts of the body, as well as part of the biological protective mechanism- your immune system. The seven dhatus are the plasma, blood, muscle, fat, bone, marrow/nerves, and reproductive tissues. When one dhatu is defective, it affects the others, as each dhatu receives nourishment from the previous. You can imagine how toxic most of our dhatus are in the 21st century with chemical-filled food and products, medications, electronics, environmental toxins and GMOs.

This is why cleansing is a huge part of Ayurveda. Keep in mind, this modality came about 5,000 years ago, and even then doctors were recommending quarterly detox and reflection.

The most efficient way to detox all of your dhatus, as well as your mind and spirit, is through the healing program called Pancha Karma.

This process involves 5-30 consecutive days of massage treatments, detox herbs, nutrient-dense food, and spiritual/mindfulness practices. There are centers in India dedicated to Pancha Karma where you can go and completely unplug as you detox, as well as some retreat centers in the States.

If the root of all disease lies in one of these dhatus then it is imperative for disease prevention to keep all 7 in balance.

I do a quarterly 21 day cleanse to detox my organs and mind and not only have blood work to show the amazing results from this, but my overall energy and mood are far better than when I was full of inflammation due to poor diet and unhealthy thoughts. This motivates me to be proactive with my health- I do a 5 day Pancha Karma twice a year, along with a quarterly liver detox. Just ask my close friends and family how much more fun I am to be around than a few years ago.

When I coach clients I pull from the wisdom of Ayurveda AND modern medicine (specifically Functional Medicine) to create individualized plans that help you treat the ROOT of your imbalance and not just manage symptoms with medication like Western Medicine does, which only creates more inflammation. Because of this, you will experience long-term healing and vitality.

If you want to bring Ayurveda into your life to prevent disease or balance a current issue, the best place to start is with Pancha Karma. You’ll discover your dosha through pulse diagnoses, receive meal plans, detox supplements and 1:1 guidance for your individual needs, as well as have 5 consecutive days of healing massage to balance each of the 7 dhatus.

Estimated national expenditures for cancer care in the United States in 2017 were $147.3 billion.

You are the microcosm of the macrocosm- what’s the current state of your personal universe? If it isn’t balanced it’s only a matter of time before your symptoms get worse and turn into chronic disease (if they haven’t already). Investing in your health now can save you time, energy and money spent on treating a deeper imbalance in the future.

If you want to save a trip to India and want to experience Pancha Karma here in Washington, I offer in-home 5 day programs, or you can visit my office in Kirkland. I would be honored to support you on your journey to deeper self-awareness and vitality.

Learn more about Pancha Karma

Posted on

Lean into Discomfort

Lean into suffering. I know this sounds counterintuitive but hear me out. We will live an average of 78.69 years on earth and most of us will spend those years in a futile attempt to numb and distract from pain and suffering. We’ll go on stimulating vacations, pay for doctors and prescriptions, drink/smoke/vape/Juul/whatever new addictive trend is in, eat food and consume media that triggers as many dopamine/pleasure responses as possible—and all the while our deepest fears and pains still reside in our bodies and subconscious minds, ready to knock you off your center at any moment. 

Avoidance is a recipe for bigger pain and louder suffering. 

In the span of a few years I went from having mild anxiety to having chronic nausea, gut issues and depression, regular anxiety attacks and insomnia, and was quickly losing my will to live. It wasn’t until I faced my fear and suffering head on that I was able to get to the root of the unhealthy pattens and beliefs that were controlling my life. 

Looking at my fear face to face was what eventually gave me emotional (and physical) freedom.

This is why I meditate. It isn’t easy. In fact it really sucks sometimes to sit for 30 minutes observing the noise in my head when all I want to do is sleep in a bit longer. But what this practice allows me to do is to understand the insanity of my human mind so that the ridiculous voices of my ego don’t control me anymore. The judgmental, self-doubty, scared little kid that lives inside all of us and does everything to feel powerful and in control. The one that really drives the car. 

She felt disempowered many times as a little one. She didn’t have much of a choice about how to perceive the world as a kid. But that little one will not drive my adult life anymore. I have a choice in that. 

That is why I continue to do my own hypnotherapy sessions with my therapist so that I can regress to impactful memories that solidified these unhealthy beliefs into my psyche- The traumatic but also sometimes first world situations that programmed my subconscious wiring. 

Mom forgot to pick me up from school when I was 5 so sitting on the steps of primary school that little one decided that she wasn’t important. She decided to act small – now that a new neural pathway was formed with that belief she will continue to look for situations that confirm her lack of importance. Rather than see 5 of her close friends invite her to their birthday parties, she focuses on the fact that her best friend didn’t invite her to her party. See? I know I’m not important. 

What happens in hypnotherapy is that I can scoop that little one up and remind her that she is important and loved. I can create a new belief with an adult mind that empowers me and helps to bring awareness to the numbing behaviors I partake in to avoid these negative self-perceptions. I have the power to create new, more productive neural pathways in my subconscious. I can literally rewire my mind. 

That is real power. And it doesn’t come from avoiding fear and suffering. It comes from walking up to it and placing a graceful hand to its face and saying, “I see you. I hear you. I love you.” 

Hypnotherapy is a tool that can guide you to those places in your subconscious mind  that have control over your life. It provides a flashlight into your very programming. What do you think, is your mind ready for a software update? 

If so, come see me for some hypnotherapy in Kirkland. A couple of 75 minute sessions just might offer you more insight than you’ll get from years of talk therapy.

Schedule Hypnotherapy Appointment

Posted on

Honoring Your Inner Knowing

Underneath this smile used to be more fear than I could name. The weight of it was like a prison from which I couldn’t escape.

I made every effort to numb and suppress it with inflammatory “comfort” food and drink, social media and my phone, Netflix/Hulu/HBO NOW/Starz (I’m no amateur streamer), and pot. I was in a constant state of survival, grasping for anything that would make the fear go away, even if only temporarily.

Waking up each day was a battle. I would wake with panic and nausea, and then the wave of judgement and shame would immobilize me even more. How could I feel this way when I had so much to be grateful for? I had a family and husband who loved me, a job I was passionate about, a beautiful home – how could I be so entitled?

Eventually this bombardment of emotion was too much for my body to take. It got to the point where I didn’t want to wake up anymore. I would pray that I wouldn’t – if it would just free me from the constant pain and anxiety that controlled my body, mind and spirit.

Once I reached rock bottom I realized that I had nothing to lose. I was at a choice point: life or fear. So I summoned what little strength I had left to connect to Universal Consciousness/God/Spirit/Divine/whatever you want to call it- I was ready to do anything that would free me from the constant struggle. Even though I hated it in the past, I felt guided to start meditating and spend more time in nature.

Once I opened up the space for my Higher Self to guide me I couldn’t ignore the messages about what needed to happen for me to come back to life. And ultimately it meant ending a marriage with my best friend. I was ignoring this truth for too long because it was too painful to face, so my body got louder- the nausea and anxiety got worse.

I don’t regret that relationship, nor do I harbor any ill feelings towards my ex. Neither of us did anything wrong, but our paths had to go different ways for our highest good. And that was a terrifying truth to face, but one that ultimately changed my life for the better.

Hiking the Isle of Skye, Scotland this past summer. One of the many magical experiences I had after releasing pent up fear.

This experience taught me how to listen to my body; a skill that many of us lack, especially in such a distracting society. I now know how to discern what is in my best interest and what is not, whether that be relationships, food, experiences, or thoughts. As I continue to practice this skill I realize how lost most of us really are because we don’t know how to listen to our inner knowing. Each of us has a higher self (that gut instinct you get? Yeah, that’s her) that is doing everything in her power to lead you toward your highest good and life purpose. The more we ignore her, the louder she gets. Trust me, don’t try to shut her up because she can out-scream you any day of the week.

Are you suppressing emotions because they’re uncomfortable to deal with? If you aren’t then you likely don’t have a pulse…

90% of our mind is subconscious. So every time you have a stressful situation or emotion and choose to numb out with The Bachelor (Game of Thrones is my poison of choice) or that Pumpkin Spice Latte and chocolate muffin- all you’re really doing is shoving it down into your subconscious. That shame or fear is having a party with all the other misfit emotions you weren’t equipped to deal with and have suppressed, and eventually that casual party is going to turn into a rager and the cops are going to come and your neighbors are going to freak out and… you get the point. Shit is going to hit the fan eventually. Your suppressed emotions are a ticking time bomb, patiently waiting to turn into chronic anxiety or acne or cancer or autoimmunity or *fill in the blank with any disease or symptom you’re not getting to the root of*, if they haven’t already.

Playing in a river near Glen Coe, Scotland last July – chronic anxiety free!

But here’s what’s exciting! There are tools to heal these traumas and suppressed emotions. You don’t have to keep living like this. Hypnotherapy was one of the most powerful tools for releasing years and years of suppressed emotions that were causing IBS, acne, depression, anxiety and ADD. I also had to detox and change my diet to fully heal, but getting to the emotional root was the biggest piece of the puzzle.

When I see pictures of myself now I can’t believe how light and bright I feel compared to a year ago. And love, you can have that, too. You just need to invest in yourself and your healing. Every moment of every day you have a choice. Life or fear?

In vibrant health,

Kendyl

Posted on

To Have a Gratitude Attitude

“Remember to have a gratitude attitude!” –my mom

It’s the season of giving thanks (but like, shouldn’t that be every season?), and I’m finding myself feeling rather out of balance, grasping for tools that bring me back to myself. This has been a difficult month for me. Well, to be honest, it’s been a pretty difficult year. This month has been challenging with the 7th move in 11 months for me. This is because I ended my marriage in January, which was devastating to not only my world, but all those that were effected by my decision to leave. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever been through and by far the most difficult choice I’ve ever had to make. I hesitate to share much out of respect for my former partner and his family, but I feel that this personal learning experience I went through might offer healing to some who hear it.

We need to hear one another’s stories. We need to see each other as mirrors, put before one another to reflect (sometimes painful) truths about ourselves, but nonetheless there to teach us. I’ve been studying clinical hypnotherapy for several years now and have been witness to so many stories that have touched me on a deep level that no matter how vulnerable I might feel, I’m committing to speaking my truth in the hopes that it helps someone else do the same.

This very idea was at the root of why I decided to end things with my husband last winter. I had been struggling with physical symptoms like nausea, chronic fatigue and IBS as well as depression and anxiety for years by this point, but through the deep work that I was luckily guided to (via my mother), I was able to uncover what was at the root of my chronic symptoms. I had established a daily mediation practice several months prior to this, committing to even 5 minutes a day, as long as I was consistent, which I surprisingly was. My mom had been meditating daily for years, encouraging me and my 3 siblings to follow suit when we would ask her why we felt anxious or depressed. My step-dad was a meditation teacher for crying out loud! But I wasn’t ready until I was, and that’s okay.

What hypnotherapy and meditation ultimately did for me was offer clarity. I was able to see not only what was creating the physical symptoms, but also why I had let it go on so long. Heart-centered hypnotherapy is like a flashlight that shines past the conscious mind and into the subconscious mind to where the beliefs we created about ourselves and the world during childhood actually live. Talk therapy operates in the conscious mind, so unfortunately I didn’t make much personal progress as a client until I discovered this deeper kind of work. This is because these deeply rooted subconscious beliefs are what drive our actions and emotions as adults. They’re a result of us observing the world and people around us as kids, deciding how we were going to survive, what felt safe, and ultimately how our egos were going to run the show. But the great thing is we can rewire those beliefs, it just requires exploring the subconscious mind (which makes up 90% of your psyche!), not the just the conscious mind (a mere 10%).

Once I could tap into why I was blinded by my fear of abandonment (through hypnotherapy) and begin to heal the root belief that I wasn’t important or lovable, I was able to release some of the anxiety that was keeping me “safe” in my comfort zone (my marriage), rather than take a leap of faith and do what my soul was guiding me to do, which was leave. My body was manifesting physical symptoms to get my attention, I’m just super skilled at ignoring things that make me uncomfortable, so me and Netflix lived in a fog together for quite a while. I felt like a shell of a person most of the time, with terrible nausea and digestion- it felt like there was this huge weight inside of me. I had no motivation and terrible insomnia, and honestly wished I wouldn’t wake up a lot of the time when I could finally sleep. It was a pretty dark time, and forced me to become super desperate to do anything that might help.

After committing to a regular meditation practice I couldn’t help but be more attuned to why my body was sick. And guess what? Once I made the terrifying decision to leave my best friend and husband because I knew it was best for my overall growth, I felt like a different person. Almost a year later and I still feel clear, happy, and light.

So…why? I’ve gone through each end of the emotional spectrum about 50 thousand times this year and have sat with this question quite a bit. I mean, c’mon, Spirit! Couldn’t it be a little easier? Why do hearts have to break and why do families get torn apart? Why did my body force me to uproot our world and life and cause so much pain?

What I’ve come to learn through the pain and the mess and the tears of this year is that life is just one big arena. We’re here to learn and expand and transcend the trauma and pain that we’ve experienced; not to become a victim of it, but rather a student. When my body started getting sick, I could have continued to let it dictate my life for even more years than I did. I could have given up after years of trying allopathic medicine didn’t help me and continue to sink into a deeper depression and chronic fog. But thank goodness I had the support and community to encourage me to keep asking why and keep digging deeper to heal the real root of my symptoms, because now I have skills that I otherwise wouldn’t have had if my body hadn’t become ill. I know there’s more growth to go, but I’ve become highly attuned to my body as a result of my experiences this year. I also learned more than I can possibly express in my marriage and am a much better and more self-aware person as a result of it. Both of us walked away with gratitude and love for one another and agreed that even though it ended in divorce, it was still a successful relationship because of how much we both expanded and grew.

I began this entry saying this was a very difficult year for me. But I’ll finish by saying it’s also been the best year of my life. I’ve moved homes 7 times in 11 months, completing my 7th a couple of days ago. Each time was extremely difficult, but always reminded me of the unconditional support and deep community I have surrounding me. I rehomed my beloved dog to my uncle in California because I know he’ll have a happier and more fulfilling life there. The grief still feels like a knife in my gut sometimes, but Leo has a playmate and loving home and for that I feel immense gratitude. I lost a husband, 2 step-children and our home this year and faced depths of pain I could have never imagined. But I’ve also learned that I can and must trust myself, because out of the pain I’ve emerged brighter, more vibrant, and closer to my true essence than ever before.

So if you’re feeling lost, scared, depressed, or hurt, I’ll ask that you give something a try. When you’re stuck in one of those automatic mental tapes- you know the ones: “No one will ever be with me because I’m too fat,” “I’m not smart enough to go to grad school,” “My husband is selfish and doesn’t pay attention to me,” etc and on and on and on, press pause on the tape and take a breath. Look around you and decide to be grateful. I know that sounds ridiculous but seriously, if you redirect your thoughts, your emotions will often follow. It can be anything; the color of the fall leaves (that’s been a big one for me in my moving fog), the fact that you have an iPhone and can FaceTime your mom from 10,000 miles away, RUNNING WATER…the list goes on. Gratitude has been one of the most powerful tools for me during this year’s challenges and I love sharing it with people. Our thoughts become habits, and just like any bad habit, you can change them to good ones with practice. We can’t escape pain in this life, but we can choose if we allow it to become suffering. Life is too short to keep suffering, don’t you think?

In vibrant health,

Kendyl