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Lean into Discomfort

Lean into suffering. I know this sounds counterintuitive but hear me out. We will live an average of 78.69 years on earth and most of us will spend those years in a futile attempt to numb and distract from pain and suffering. We’ll go on stimulating vacations, pay for doctors and prescriptions, drink/smoke/vape/Juul/whatever new addictive trend is in, eat food and consume media that triggers as many dopamine/pleasure responses as possible—and all the while our deepest fears and pains still reside in our bodies and subconscious minds, ready to knock you off your center at any moment. 

Avoidance is a recipe for bigger pain and louder suffering. 

In the span of a few years I went from having mild anxiety to having chronic nausea, gut issues and depression, regular anxiety attacks and insomnia, and was quickly losing my will to live. It wasn’t until I faced my fear and suffering head on that I was able to get to the root of the unhealthy pattens and beliefs that were controlling my life. 

Looking at my fear face to face was what eventually gave me emotional (and physical) freedom.

This is why I meditate. It isn’t easy. In fact it really sucks sometimes to sit for 30 minutes observing the noise in my head when all I want to do is sleep in a bit longer. But what this practice allows me to do is to understand the insanity of my human mind so that the ridiculous voices of my ego don’t control me anymore. The judgmental, self-doubty, scared little kid that lives inside all of us and does everything to feel powerful and in control. The one that really drives the car. 

She felt disempowered many times as a little one. She didn’t have much of a choice about how to perceive the world as a kid. But that little one will not drive my adult life anymore. I have a choice in that. 

That is why I continue to do my own hypnotherapy sessions with my therapist so that I can regress to impactful memories that solidified these unhealthy beliefs into my psyche- The traumatic but also sometimes first world situations that programmed my subconscious wiring. 

Mom forgot to pick me up from school when I was 5 so sitting on the steps of primary school that little one decided that she wasn’t important. She decided to act small – now that a new neural pathway was formed with that belief she will continue to look for situations that confirm her lack of importance. Rather than see 5 of her close friends invite her to their birthday parties, she focuses on the fact that her best friend didn’t invite her to her party. See? I know I’m not important. 

What happens in hypnotherapy is that I can scoop that little one up and remind her that she is important and loved. I can create a new belief with an adult mind that empowers me and helps to bring awareness to the numbing behaviors I partake in to avoid these negative self-perceptions. I have the power to create new, more productive neural pathways in my subconscious. I can literally rewire my mind. 

That is real power. And it doesn’t come from avoiding fear and suffering. It comes from walking up to it and placing a graceful hand to its face and saying, “I see you. I hear you. I love you.” 

Hypnotherapy is a tool that can guide you to those places in your subconscious mind  that have control over your life. It provides a flashlight into your very programming. What do you think, is your mind ready for a software update? 

If so, come see me for some hypnotherapy in Kirkland. A couple of 75 minute sessions just might offer you more insight than you’ll get from years of talk therapy.

Schedule Hypnotherapy Appointment

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Honoring Your Inner Knowing

Underneath this smile used to be more fear than I could name. The weight of it was like a prison from which I couldn’t escape.

I made every effort to numb and suppress it with inflammatory “comfort” food and drink, social media and my phone, Netflix/Hulu/HBO NOW/Starz (I’m no amateur streamer), and pot. I was in a constant state of survival, grasping for anything that would make the fear go away, even if only temporarily.

Waking up each day was a battle. I would wake with panic and nausea, and then the wave of judgement and shame would immobilize me even more. How could I feel this way when I had so much to be grateful for? I had a family and husband who loved me, a job I was passionate about, a beautiful home – how could I be so entitled?

Eventually this bombardment of emotion was too much for my body to take. It got to the point where I didn’t want to wake up anymore. I would pray that I wouldn’t – if it would just free me from the constant pain and anxiety that controlled my body, mind and spirit.

Once I reached rock bottom I realized that I had nothing to lose. I was at a choice point: life or fear. So I summoned what little strength I had left to connect to Universal Consciousness/God/Spirit/Divine/whatever you want to call it- I was ready to do anything that would free me from the constant struggle. Even though I hated it in the past, I felt guided to start meditating and spend more time in nature.

Once I opened up the space for my Higher Self to guide me I couldn’t ignore the messages about what needed to happen for me to come back to life. And ultimately it meant ending a marriage with my best friend. I was ignoring this truth for too long because it was too painful to face, so my body got louder- the nausea and anxiety got worse.

I don’t regret that relationship, nor do I harbor any ill feelings towards my ex. Neither of us did anything wrong, but our paths had to go different ways for our highest good. And that was a terrifying truth to face, but one that ultimately changed my life for the better.

Hiking the Isle of Skye, Scotland this past summer. One of the many magical experiences I had after releasing pent up fear.

This experience taught me how to listen to my body; a skill that many of us lack, especially in such a distracting society. I now know how to discern what is in my best interest and what is not, whether that be relationships, food, experiences, or thoughts. As I continue to practice this skill I realize how lost most of us really are because we don’t know how to listen to our inner knowing. Each of us has a higher self (that gut instinct you get? Yeah, that’s her) that is doing everything in her power to lead you toward your highest good and life purpose. The more we ignore her, the louder she gets. Trust me, don’t try to shut her up because she can out-scream you any day of the week.

Are you suppressing emotions because they’re uncomfortable to deal with? If you aren’t then you likely don’t have a pulse…

90% of our mind is subconscious. So every time you have a stressful situation or emotion and choose to numb out with The Bachelor (Game of Thrones is my poison of choice) or that Pumpkin Spice Latte and chocolate muffin- all you’re really doing is shoving it down into your subconscious. That shame or fear is having a party with all the other misfit emotions you weren’t equipped to deal with and have suppressed, and eventually that casual party is going to turn into a rager and the cops are going to come and your neighbors are going to freak out and… you get the point. Shit is going to hit the fan eventually. Your suppressed emotions are a ticking time bomb, patiently waiting to turn into chronic anxiety or acne or cancer or autoimmunity or *fill in the blank with any disease or symptom you’re not getting to the root of*, if they haven’t already.

Playing in a river near Glen Coe, Scotland last July – chronic anxiety free!

But here’s what’s exciting! There are tools to heal these traumas and suppressed emotions. You don’t have to keep living like this. Hypnotherapy was one of the most powerful tools for releasing years and years of suppressed emotions that were causing IBS, acne, depression, anxiety and ADD. I also had to detox and change my diet to fully heal, but getting to the emotional root was the biggest piece of the puzzle.

When I see pictures of myself now I can’t believe how light and bright I feel compared to a year ago. And love, you can have that, too. You just need to invest in yourself and your healing. Every moment of every day you have a choice. Life or fear?

In vibrant health,

Kendyl

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Manifesting the Life You Desire

I’m currently sitting in a “sleeping pod” on the Northlink ferry from Aberdeen to Orkney and Shetland Island. There are two groups of people on this ferry: those who are on board for 6 hours for Orkney, and those that are on it for 14 hours for Shetland (plus boarding time which is 30-60 minutes prior to ship-off). I fall into the latter category. I’m on my way to Yell which actually happens to be another bus ride and ferry ride from Lerwick, the biggest city in the Shetland Islands.  I’m headed to my final destination- 3.5 weeks volunteering on an organic sheep farm through WWOOF (World Wide Organization of Organic Farmers).

I just finished my first WWOOF experience with a wonderful couple at Laikenbuie Holidays, 3 miles outside of Nairn in the Scottish Highlands. Peter and Therese have created a masterpiece of 150 acres filled with a poly-tunnel, sheep, hens, cattle, tons of pigeons, an organic garden and poly-tunnel, 4 holiday lodges, a caravan, and 3 homes that they’ve built from the ground up. They’ve owned the property for over 30 years and when they bought it the land was covered with gorse bushes taller than them. Now, it’s a magnificent retreat and absolute dream come true to stay on.

One of the beautiful ponds that my hosts dug after buying the acerage, It rarely felt like “work” being on this land.

While there I was treated like a member of their family. They asked me what I was hoping to learn and then catered the 2.5 weeks to those goals with enthusiasm, patience, and diligence. I wanted to see how a farm was run and learn as much as possible about organic gardening, and that’s exactly what they provided me with. I began each day by riding my bike down the short track that runs through the property to the garden where I collected the chard and lettuce for my breakfast smoothie and lunchtime salad. I would then make a protein shake with chard, chocolate pea protein powder, almond/coconut milk, and sometimes some fresh raspberries from the garden. Peter curiously asked for a small glass each morning after about the third day and I always enjoyed sharing it with him. Therese would partake sometimes 🙂 It’s definitely an acquired taste, especially if you’re used to typical breakfast food like porridge, toast, pastries, yogurt, cereal, etc. But I was delighted to have it each morning for the first time on my trip, returning to a daily routine similar to home, although I don’t have a vegetable garden (yet) that allows me to eat the greens minutes after they’re picked! What a delight it was to eat such fresh food- the way it ought to be for everyone.

Therese and Peter’s daughter, brother and sister-in-law, and their son and his partner. Such a lovely and down to earth family.

I learned so much while I was at Laikenbuie and was honored to be taught by 2 people who are living their passion. They work hard. I mean, VERY hard. There’s always something that needs doing on a farm and they have created a true masterpiece because of their unrelenting dedication and skill. I couldn’t have been luckier to find such warm hosts.

I had a realization last night while having a heart to heart with my hostess’s sister-in-law that I’ve been dwelling on ever since. I used to have chronic anxiety, especially when I was alone, and so choosing a WWOOFing location when there are hundreds to pick from was absolutely terrifying for me. ‘HOW DO I CHOOSE THE RIGHT ONE?!’ I kept thinking. ‘What if my hosts are crazy or awkward and I want to leave after a couple of days? I’ve never been away from home for this long, let alone been traveling solo for weeks on end!’ Looking back I realize how much wasted energy was spent worrying about this. I’ve tried to keep my mindset in check the last year because I’ve realized how powerful it is, but the weeks leading up to this 2.5 month journey were wrought with anxiety and fear, even though I was also really excited and knew deep down that it was what I was meant to do.

I’ve learned recently that real change and growth don’t come without fear or probably even some suffering to get there. Breaching the boundary of our “comfort zone” is terrifying! But that’s where the yumminess of life happens, and that’s what I’ve not only learned but really felt in my bones the last few weeks on this journey. I’ve been away from home for over 5 weeks and am just now realizing how GOOD I really feel. The anxiety that was consuming me leading up to the trip was because my soul knew it was embarking into the unknown, which we all know is scary AF, but super necessary if you want to taste all the sweetness of life. Despite the fear, I kept on trusting that the universe would lead me to the people, experiences and circumstances on this journey that would offer me some wisdom as I continue down my life path.

And now? The anxiety is gone. I’m on a 14 hour ferry ride headed to Shetland Island, which is closer to the Arctic Circle than it is to London. On my own. Talking to strangers. Headed to an island with 996 people. And I can’t flipping wait! Me. Kendyl. Codependent used to be my middle name! And now I’m doing stuff like this because I learned to trust the intuition I was getting from the universe to jump into the unknown and leap out of my comfort zone. And ever since I’ve surrendered to the waves of life, I’m so much happier and lighter.

My favorite beach in Nairn that I biked to many times where I swam, meditated, journaled and did yoga. I’ll see you again East Beach!

Each one of the experiences that have lead me to where I’m at have been puzzle pieces leading the way to the life I’ve been working on manifesting. You know those moments that stick out for no apparent reason? The beginning of this journey was 2 years ago when I had a client tell me about her WWOOFing experience in Ireland. She shared how impactful and wonderful it had been for her and for some reason, I remember this conversation vividly- I couldn’t get it out of my head, even a year later. It was the only time I’d ever heard about WWOOFing and I believe it was one of those intuitive nudges we often overlook that can lead us towards the experiences that ultimately change our lives. If I hadn’t listened to the voice inside guiding me to look into WWOOFing, I wouldn’t have met Peter and Therese. I also wouldn’t have been able to travel for this long without working, but WWOOF is an exchange of room and board for volunteer work, keeping travel expenses minimal.

When you have a goal, whether financial, in your career, romantically, or a trip you want to do, get really clear about what you want, sorting out all of the nitty gritty details related to that goal and then release it to the universe/god/divine consciousness. Once you’ve set the goal, the puzzle pieces appear. The friend who tells you about this amazing coffee shop she went to and for some reason you can’t get it out of your head so you go and meet your soul mate there. Or the nutrition certification you keep seeing come through on your Facebook ads that gives you a feeling in your gut each time you see it, even though you see loads of ads pass by with no notice all the time- fast forward a year and you have a successful nutrition business instead of the soul-sucking corporate job you hated. Or the nudge to apply for a job you feel underqualified for but then kick butt in the interview and get the position.

Divine guidance flows through everything and everyone we encounter, if we only stop to pay attention. The puzzle pieces that help us create our dream lives are all around us, ready to be woven into the masterpiece that is your life. Get clear on what you want and then keep your eyes and ears open for guidance. You must have unshakable faith that this energy is headed your way. Ignore the nay-sayers and wet blankets in your life who try to keep you in your “safe” and secure life, even though you know there’s a better version out there. Do you really want to spend your life in a job, relationship or city that are “safe” but make you want to binge watch Netflix every day just to escape the chronic stress you feel?

Remember how powerful you are; you can create whatever life you desire. Just keep looking for your puzzle pieces no matter how scary it gets, pick them up, dust them off, and place them where they fit to build the reality you know you deserve. Beautiful, worthwhile puzzles sometimes take extreme patience, losing some pieces and then finding them again, a hissy fit, chocolate and taking your emotions out on your family/friends, but I find that the result is nearly always worth it.

In vibrant health,

Kendyl

 

See you in Shetland!

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Gratitude for lunch

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” -Albert Einstein

I’ve pondered the concept of gratitude for a few years now. It first started when I realized the truth in what Einstein said. I can either choose to be apathetic or annoyed with life, or I can start to focus on the things that are miracles (big or small). And once I started paying attention to these things it seems like they multiplied. I realized that there’s always something to be grateful for. The sun that gives us warmth and light, having a roof over your head, family, music, chocolate (duh), education, etc. And even in the moments when it feels impossible to be grateful for anything, especially ones like when this hot tea that just spilled all over my clothes!… the magic is still there. The magic is in the person next to me rushing to help me clean up and asking if I’m okay. It’s in the barista who runs to get a mop and gets me a new, fresh tea. It’s community. Right? Even in those dark moments, I promise you, if you can attune and focus your energy to the joy and brilliance of everyday moments, you will feel so much happier for it.

I was reminded of gratitude today when I grabbed lunch at Chaco Canyon in Seattle. It’s a fabulous organic and vegan cafe with super healthy and tasty food. I ordered the Gratitude Bowl which is priced on a sliding scale of $3-11 based on what you feel you can afford. I was reminded of how grateful I am for my life and the path I’ve chosen. And it wouldn’t be a reality if not for mentors and coaches who inspired me to live the life I dreamt of. I leave in 20 days for a 2 month solo trip to Europe. I’ll be working remotely because I decided that traveling the world was what I wanted. There were so many obstacles along the way and people/society leading me to believe that a life like this was a fantasy. But with the help of amazing books and mentors, I know that I can design the life I want. And so can you. I learned to relentlessly focus my energy on the goal (traveling Europe for 2 months while still working as a health coach- aka the dream job) and to surround myself with good vibrations so that I would have MORE energy to focus on my goal. This was huge. Start to notice how the people, media, food, and energies your surround yourself with affect your overall motivation and energy. You know those people who just bring you down? Or how when you watch the news/other violent/depressing/dark media (it’s all the same, isn’t it?) you feel tired or deflated? Or how you feel like you’re in a coma after you kill half a batch of gluten free peanut butter chocolate chip cookies while watching Friends during certain times of the month? (Me neither…)

We are energetic beings, and so the energies and vibrations we surround ourselves with will indeed affect our mood and vitality. Gratitude is one of the best ways to start raising your vibration if you feel depleted. If you’re in an emotional rut or stressful situation, take a moment to take a deep breath (deep, full breaths are how we move energy through our body- you should try it sometime!) and think about what you’re grateful for. Even if just for a few moments or a few minutes, if you do this, I promise you you’ll notice a positive difference in how you feel. If you want to be even more proactive about it, beginning and ending each day with an expression of gratitude will be like medicine to your soul.

You can have the life you’re dreaming of. The energy, the job, the partner, the living situation, health, and purpose are all there waiting for you to reach out and claim them. What you focus on becomes bigger: this is the foundation of manifestation. So focus on the goal with unrelenting attention and energy, and I promise you, it’s yours. Remember what Einstein said?

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”

Which way will you choose to live?

In deep gratitude,

Kendyl