Whenever you’re about to embark on a new journey, or are facing a challenge (illness, loss of job, ending of marriage, etc) you encounter something called liminal space – this is the period of time when you’re standing on the edge of the unknown, often in a state of fear or anxiety. This is the opposite of your comfort zone, and yet it’s often where some of the yumminess of life takes place.
Think about it – before your first kiss, on your wedding day, being in labor with your baby – all of these times were usually scary as hell and yet the most memorable, formative, and rewarding. In all of these times you experienced a period of liminal space. You had a choice about how to react. You could tolerate it, suppress it, or lean into it. We all know what it feels like to choose all of these paths, so maybe we ought to pay attention to when we’re in a liminal space, so as to be mindful about it, rather than unconscious. This can help us avoid prolonged liminality, aka, more suffering!
Ecological theologian Sallie McFague describes the liminal space as “a space where one is available for deep change from the conventional model of living to another one.”
While this liminal space is uncomfortable, ambiguous, and uncertain, it is also freeing. It is necessary for change and growth.
Anytime you feel anxious or afraid, it’s information. What often makes it worse is the meaning we attach to the fear, and therefore the belief we take on about it, which then creates more fear. So when you notice yourself feeling afraid, greet it, befriend it – ask it what it needs. If you drink a bunch of wine or turn on the TV, you’ve only suppressed it, making the discomfort last longer than necessary.
I know that there have been times when I didn’t want to hear what my fear needed – I was afraid of what it had to tell me. The most difficult experience of this was in my previous marriage when my intuition (the way your higher-self talks to you) was begging me to get out of the relationship but my subconscious (child-self) was too afraid of what was on the other side – too afraid of the liminal space. So I stayed way longer than I should have, and as a result suffered from severe depression, anxiety, and IBS, until it got so bad that I was willing to do anything to feel different. I mustered up the little courage and life I had left and ended the marriage, diving into the unknown.
I have grown since my divorce, more than I can articulate in words. It’s in the way I feel and walk in the world now – with more confidence, power, and trust in myself and this crazy thing we call life. My intuition was guiding me to a more fulfilling path, a healthier partner, and a more joyful human experience, I just had to surrender to my truth and take action.
Everything in your life doesn’t happen to you, it happens for you.
If you’re stuck, get help. There are coaches, therapists, doctors, naturopaths, support groups, meetups, books, Ted Talks, and so many other ways to get support. Listen to your gut and it will guide you to the tools that will help you become more of who you know you’re meant to be. Your higher-self is BEGGING you to open yourself to becoming the greatest expression of love that you can be while you’re on this earth so that you can leave it better than when you found it. If not for that, why else are we here?
